asks Archives | Page 11 of 33 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I have a question about the definition of bisexuality.”

October 18, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi! I have a question about the definition of bisexuality. I’ve been using a “same + different” -definition and that’s what I’ve seen being used the most. “Two or more” is alright, but if “same gender” is not required, why is it not under heterosexuality? I’m assuming the reason is political, but I want to be sure. hello anon, i’m guessing that this ask is related to this post where i say that i personally find defining bi as attraction to “same and different / other gender(s)” to be problematic. there’s actually nothing “political” about why a person doesn’t have to experience attraction towards people of the “same” or “similar” gender to be bi. that is, unless you consider the feelings and experiences of bi non-binary people to be “political,” which i sincerely hope not. the reason why i personally, as well as many others, find the “same and different / other” definition of bi to…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

AskAPan Week 07 – Family responses to the LGBTQ community
July 5, 2013

QAC 11 – Growing Up Ace (Asexual)
July 21, 2013

on the discrepancy between “asexual” in English & Japanese and confusion regarding demisexuality.
May 12, 2017
Q&A

Q&A: “is there a reason that orientation is based solely on which gender(s) you’re attracted to?”

October 18, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: i’ve been wondering lately – is there a reason that orientation is based solely on which gender(s) you’re attracted to? why CAN’T an orientation define who you’re attracted to based on other factors? i get that would allow for things like sapiosexual and whatnot which is…yikes. but i almost feel like that’s PART of why ppl have like…a kneejerk reaction to “”mogai”” orientations maybe? idk i’m probably missing something abt it not all orientations are based solely on which gender(s) someone is attracted to. off the top of my head, some examples of orientations that aren’t solely based on that (if even based on that at all) are lith*, demi*, gray*, and a* but there are many more, of course. that said, i’m guessing you had “The Big 3″ orientations that society most commonly recognizes in mind when writing this ask. don’t quote me on this, but i feel…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “…it makes me feel invalid whenever she does that. if you have any advice, i’d appreciate it.”

October 17, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: my friend’s best friend recently came out as trans and my friend only refers to them as their preferred name. there’s nothing wrong with that, except i told the same friend my preferred name a year ago and she rarely uses it, even when it’s just us. we’ve talked about it, but she still continues to use my birth name around me. i’m not really sure what to do, since we’ve already talked about it, but it makes me feel invalid whenever she does that. if you have any advice, i’d appreciate it wow, what an incredibly shitty thing to do. :/ this isn’t actual advice so much as it just being what i personally might do in such a situation, but…. i imagine that i’d handle this in much the same way i would someone who insists on misgendering me. that is, i’d stop responding to the…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

AskAPan Week 06 – “Genderblind”ness (+DOMA comments)
June 28, 2013

QAC 13 – Staying In The Closet
August 11, 2013

spotted: LGBT 101 on Japanese TV
February 21, 2015
Feedback, Q&A

Feedback: “From the coming out anon: Thank you for the advice…”

October 17, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: From the coming out anon: Thank you for the advice, Vesper, I really do appreciate it. I think I might try doing just that the next time it comes up. Thank you for the help. 🙂 ( re: this post ) no problem, anon. wishing you the best in general, but even more so if / when you do come out to your friend. 🙂

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
Feedback, Q&A

Feedback: “…thanks for the advice….”

October 17, 2016 / No Comments

Kat said: I came out to her she accepted it and she didn’t go thro with the blind date thank you she said I might be aro tho also thanks for the advice keep up the good blog -Kat ( re: this post & this post ) so glad to hear that things went well for you, Kat. thanks for coming back to let me know and i wish you all the best in the future. p.s. don’t worry about what she thinks about you being aro. what you think is the only thing that matters.

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it…”

October 16, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it. I think she already knows, but I want to confirm it and then talk about it, because I’m tried of being alone. Any advice, vesper? i don’t know if this would work for you, anon, but… since you suspect that your friend may already know, perhaps you could go off of that and just casually slip it into a random conversation instead of making it a serious conversation specifically about you coming out? by that i mean that if an even vaguely related topic just happened to came up, you could say something like “well, being ______ and all, i feel like….” or “you know, i must be ____ as hell because i totally…..” or some other casual way of mentioning your sexuality / gender / etc phrased in a way that implies…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

AskAPan Week 06 – “Genderblind”ness (+DOMA comments)
June 28, 2013

humbled
July 31, 2018

パレードの皆さん、お疲れ
April 26, 2015
[A]sexuality, Feedback, Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

Feedback: “I saw your video about confusing gender attraction with gender envy/admiration and as newly realised asexual it really hit a chord with me…”

October 15, 2016 /

anonymous said: I saw your video about confusing gender attraction with gender envy/admiration and as newly realised asexual it really hit a chord with me… I think this is what I’ve been experiencing a lot, seeing people and wanting to be like they are because they’re so free or happy with how they express themselves, and calling it attraction like my friends call it attraction when they see a guy and want to do him, when it’s not the same at all. ( re: this post ) yeah, attraction is really complicated because there’s so much involved… sometimes even gender envy / admiration can be a involved when one experiences attraction, but yeah. it’s also a thing in and of itself that may not be related to attraction at all. thanks for sharing your experiences, anon. 🙂

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Asexy Aces at Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2014 (04/27/2014)
May 7, 2014

tfw TERFs.
March 1, 2017

“Things Asexual People Want You To Know” – BuzzFeed LGBT
October 29, 2017
Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Would it be possible for someone to identify as maverique & neutrois?”

October 14, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Would it be possible for someone to identify as maverique & neutrois? Or would that person have to identify as either the latter or the former? yes, a person can be both maverique and neutrois. there are no rules or limitations as to what a person can be or how a person can identify. if someone is maverique and neutrois, there’s no reason why they couldn’t identify as maverique and neutrois.

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

AskAPan Week 06 – “Genderblind”ness (+DOMA comments)
June 28, 2013

National Geographic: “Gender Revolution” (Japanese Edition)
January 11, 2017

QAC 28 – On “Blackness”, Queer Identity & Intersectionality (a rant)
July 14, 2014
Feedback, Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Feedback: “I really want to thank you for introducing me to the term “maverique” because…”

October 14, 2016 /

anonymous said: I really want to thank you for introducing me to the term “maverique” because I think I’ve found something that describes me in a way. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t a boy or a girl, and that I was simply just myself. A person. So now I’m glad to have found a term that describes that. ;v; Thank you so much. being maverique, someone with a distinct gender that is independent from both male and female gender can be tough! everyone regardless of gender is just being themself, a person, but when you don’t even have a word to conceptualize your gender with because everything else is tied to male and / or female…. yeah. glad you found a word that works for you, anon. 🙂

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, Feedback, Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

Feedback: “Your video on gender envy/admiration really spoke to me.”

October 14, 2016 /

anonymous said: Your video on gender envy/admiration really spoke to me. When I figured out my aroace identity and my predominate aesthetic attraction to femme people I didn’t quite understand how I had convinced myself I was straight for so long. I feel like later after I realized I was masc non binary it explained more of my assumed attraction to masc people as being more along the lines of “i want to be like them”. ( re: this post ) ah, i can relate to the “convinced myself i was straight for so long” thing. i very much feel like gender envy / admiration (among other things) played a part in me falling for the whole “straight by default” (among other) shit that society fed me from Day 1 and that i likely would have broken free of that sooner had i recognized gender envy / admiration for what it…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

comments on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video.
November 26, 2015

Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2015 (4/26/15)
May 10, 2015

…one of many examples of why navigating セクマイ / LGBTQIA spaces in Japan can be painful at times.
October 7, 2016