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on today’s episode of #ConversationsWithMom….!
….so i just had another one of those crazy conversations with my mom (and my sister who was eavesdropping and repeatedly butting in) about sexuality that stemmed from her finally watching a documentary that i’d sent her about LGBTQ people in the black church. i mean seriously, it lasted over an hour and was all over damn place, so i’m not going to try to rehash what was actually said, but the highlights were: mom is still of the mindset that sexual orientation is a choice. she refuses to distinguish between sexual attraction (i used the word “chemistry” with her because she seemed to get that) and sexual behavior/actions one decides to take (or not take). ugh. both mom and my sister think that “everyone is bisexual” because everyone could choose to have sex with someone of the same gender if they wanted to. bi erasure runs in my family, apparently. mom…
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comments on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video.
had ignored this user’s original comment on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video for weeks but couldn’t let it go uncommented on any longer after waking up to their most recent comment. i’m sick with a cold and unable to even think clearly, so it’s likely that i flew off the handle or said something in a way that could have been said better, but i tried. really am too sick and tired and anxious in general to deal with shit like this…. and while i obviously made no effort to hide the names of the users who commented (i mean, the comments are public and easily findable on the video anyway), i’m not posting this here for anyone to attack the commenter. please don’t, although you’re free to join in on the convo if you want. i’m 100% done with it. …now to take…
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Q&A: “I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once to know that for sure!””
anonymous said: So I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once/masturbated once to know that for sure!” but the thing is I really think sex is gross. Like, I can’t even imagine having sex with someone and I already tried masturbating many times, but I never thought about it as something that gives you pleasure since I never had an orgasm or something like that. I just don’t know how to feel about all this or what to think. you do not need to have had sex or masturbated to know who you are. no one does. your friends are wrong. chances are that your friends knew who they were before they ever had sex or masturbated. they just knew. they obviously do not realize it, but they’re being hypocrites by holding you to a standard that they do not…
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Q&A not Q&A: ” I don’t really think zedsexual is the way to go. It is not only etymologically nonsensical, but sounds like something tumblr would make up…”
anonymous said: As an asexual person, I don’t really think zedsexual is the way to go. It is not only etymologically nonsensical, but sounds “like something tumblr would make up” to the outside observers. This is just something else that will make people not take us seriously. Isn’t there another way? Maybe, some positive prefix? I know in other languages there is such thing but I’m not sure about English. anon, while i personally don’t care for z/zedsexual either, i also don’t care for people criticizing a word because it sounds “like something tumblr would make up.” as if a word being coined on Tumblr automatically delegitimizes or discredits it. as if i or anyone else should avoid a word just because other people assume the word is somehow connected to Tumblr and that that is automatically a bad thing. anon, i realize that you yourself probably do not…
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Q&A: “do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer?”
anonymous said: Hello, just asking cause I’m not entirely sure and I value your opinion… do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer. And I mean, is that something that should be allowed to be done without getting furiously shamed by other members of LGBT+ Because I’ve seen a lot of them get flack for using that term for themselves and now I’m not sure if it’s okay. I originally thought it was but… yeah. Thanks. ….ahhh, The Debate. which shouldn’t even really be the debate that it is in the first place, imho. i generally prefer to stay out of The Debate because i feel like The Debate itself is an example of identity policing, most often on the part of people who do not believe that heteroromantic aces or aro heterosexuals are a part of the LGBTQIA community to begin with (and i…
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Q&A not Q&A: “I keep following people on Tumblr thinking they’re alright only to find out later that…”
anonymous said: I need to talk to you again. I keep following people on [Tumblr] thinking they’re alright only to find out later that they think het ace people don’t belong in the community and they think it’s funny when people try to explain to them why they’re wrong and it’s just so upsetting. As someone who once only identified as het ace and found comfort in the community to further understand my sexuality it’s just really sad to think that het ace’s aren’t even valid here to most people. I get so upset about it and it feels like an attack on all asexuals and even aromantics like AGAIN what theyre saying is we’re not valid members of the community unless we identify as something else as well since the A part isnt that important well we might as well hand it over to the allies since they get…
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Q&A: “I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space…”
anonymous said: Hi Vesper! Hope you’re well. I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space because it’s “not for them” (I’m Ace but not straight) and I found it really disheartening how so many people (Who are part of LGBT) agreed that they didn’t belong w/o listening to actual ace/aro people. To me it sounds like they want to drop the “A” altogether. I was just wondering what your thoughts are? Thanks. hi anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. sadly, people saying crap like this is nothing new. it is incredibly disheartening how people within the LGBT (and ace) community(ies) are so quick to police others’ identities. you’d think that people who have had their own identities policed wouldn’t rehash the same shit onto others, but no. everyone wants to host an…
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QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like
today some ace friends and i went to Tokyo Rainbow Pride where we were approached by a smug as fuck acephobic asshat. this video is dedicated to those who do not believe that acephobia and/or asexual erasure are a thing and to those who struggle dealing with people belittling the shit you deal with. let there be video of acephobia & asexual erasure in action for the world to see. content warning: misogyny, asexual erasure, acephobia, offensive-level ignorance, etc etc ※ what is acephobia? fear, prejudice or discrimination against people within the asexual (ace) spectrum; the belief that asexuality is “unnatural”, “wrong” and/or a health issue that needs “correcting”. ※ what is asexual erasure? denying the existence of asexuality, asexuals and/or other sexualities and people within the asexual spectrum; the lack of representation and misrepresentation of asexual spectrum people in the media. edit: later we came across Mr. Asshat again interviewing people…
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QAC 23 – Being Forced Out of the Closet (Bi/Panromantic Non-binary Asexual)
long video is ridiculously long. sorry about that, but i had to vent somewhere. ====== NAVIGATION ===== @00:00 – and the story begins @04:46 – “i’m asexual.” @10:02 – “imma watch all your obviously private videos!” @14:06 – “don’t worry, everyone’s like that!” @17:05 – “omg stop saying that.” @22:00 – patience is golden @24:32 – her head didn’t exploded ====================== TL;DW: my mom found this channel and saw videos that i never wanted her to see and wasn’t ready for her to see. shit sucks. BUT my mom is doing her best with what she’s found out, which is good… even if her best is painful. anyway, patience patience….. and all that jazz. the cat’s out of the bag and is managing well enough thus far. hopefully time won’t make the cat regret being out of the bag…………… and i forgot to mention in the video that my mom…
