questioning Archives | Page 9 of 10 | Queer As Cat

Q&A

Q&A: “Is it okay to question your sexuality or romantic attraction after being certain your whole life?”

July 9, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it okay to question your sexuality or romantic attraction after being certain your whole life? I’ve reached a point where I’m not sure anymore and I’m very confused, both sexually and romantically. not only is it okay, it’s actually not uncommon. many people don’t begin actively questioning their sexual orientation, romantic orientation or even gender identity until later in life. you’re not alone, anon. also, while being confused about these things can be very stressful, it’s also okay and even natural to be confused. you’re going through a process of self-discovery. confusion is simply a part of that process. hang in there, anon! and all the best.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…do you think there could be other types of attraction?”

July 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know a lot of the time in discussions about asexual identities people break down attraction into 4 different categories: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual (well and sometimes platonic). But do you think there could be other types of attraction? Sometimes I see people and I feel /something/ but I wouldn’t really categorize it as one of those – argh its so confusing! Am I just experiencing one of those types of attraction in a strange way?? without a doubt there could be (read: probably is) more to attraction than the categories that the ace and aro communities tend to refer to. attraction, as with feelings in general, is an insanely complex thing that most certainly cannot be neatly boxed into or described by categories. it doesn’t get said enough that not everyone even finds the existing categories helpful or meaningful in describing their attraction(s). you could be experiencing…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Okay so I have a question about sexuality preferences.”

June 29, 2015 / No Comments

sorryitsluz said: Okay so I have a question about sexuality preferences. I’ve always been attracted to males (I’m female btw) in both romantic way and a sexual way. I see myself with a male ya know? But lately I’ve realized that I also began to get an interest in females. Although it’s not the same as the interest I have in males. I don’t feel like I would have sex with a female but I do like them and feel like I would flirt/go over just a friendship. Could you help describe this please?? hi.. 🙂 i have a vague idea of what you’re trying to describe, but at the same time i don’t understand enough to be specific in helping you. rather than me trying to put words to something that i’m not personally experiencing, i think it would be better if i gave you resources to help…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you think that would be poly or bi? I don’t feel I’m straight because of the attraction to nonbinary individuals, but…”

June 25, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m questioning currently. I’m female but attracted to males, demiboys, and some agender and genderfluid individuals. But mostly masculine presenting nb individuals. Do you think that would be poly or bi? I don’t feel I’m straight because of the attraction to nonbinary individuals. But I’m MOSTLY attracted to masculinity. hello, anon. i’ll be honest, this is kind of a tough ask for me to answer. it sounds like you’re looking to define your sexuality based on the appearance or gender expression of the people you are attracted to, whereas my understanding of attraction (in terms of orientations) is more based on a person’s gender identity rather than how a person presents themself. you said that you are mostly attracted to masculinity. people of literally ANY gender can present themselves in a masculine manner. does this mean that you could potentially be attracted to a masculine person of…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What is the best way to help myself figure out [whether I’m bi or pan]?”

June 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I can’t tell if I am closer to pan or bi because I live in an area where most people are male or female. What is the best way to help myself figure that out? listen to your heart and go with whichever word you feel describes you. you don’t have to have experience with a person of every gender to identify as one or the other. just go with what feels right based on how you feel now and in the future, if it turns out that another word describes you better, than you can switch to using that word if you so choose. just checking, but do you know that both may describe you? because there is overlap between the two. [+bonus reading]

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction?”

June 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So, I have identified as a panromantic asexual for a while now, but I just entered my first romantic relationship and am beginning to question this. We make out sometimes, and I get aroused. How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction? He’s the only one I would want to have sex with, but is this sexual attraction or just loyalty to my partner? hello, anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask! i can’t tell you whether what you’re experiencing is one thing or another. ultimately, only you can decide that. i can say, however, that becoming aroused can and does happen to anyone, regardless of what their sexual orientation is. it’s simply a physiological reaction to stimuli which has no bearing on one’s sexual orientation. also, i personally do not consider arousal to be the same thing as libido/sex…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “For the longest time, I identified as demiro, for a pretty similar reason.”

April 4, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: For the longest time, I identified as demiro, for a pretty similar reason. I never understood romance for what it apparently is– I don’t now, either– but I have always had pretty intense squishes. Romance seemed like the “answer”– a grown-up, committed relationship, more than friendship. But, similar to what you’ve said, I was never the one to initiate it. My confusion really culminated when my romantic partner way back when told me that he loved me, and I…just couldn’t say it back. I got even more confused later as I kept seeing these squishes as romance, questioning my “sexuality” as I developed one on a same-gendered friend, who later shot me down horribly. Another relationship revealed that I thought of my partner as a sibling, not as anything romantic. I’m in a QPR now, after figuring things out “enough,” but there’s still a lot of confusion; I still…

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Vesper H.

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grayro? demiro? whenthestarsalignhyperro?

April 3, 2015 / 2 Comments

i’ve been off-handedly questioning whether i may be somewhere along the aromantic spectrum or not for a while now, but since i felt no rush to tack on yet another identity label onto my already crazy-long list of identity labels, such thoughts have mostly gotten swept under the rug before really getting anywhere. well, since i have a bit of free time on my hands now thanks to spring break, i promised myself that i’d explore this topic more. what follows is just me putting thoughts into words… many, many words… for my own sake. may Cat God be with you if you attempt to get through this.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I’ve always had a fascination for both sexes and just came to terms about dating a transgender… I’m thinking that I’m pansexual?”

April 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’ve been conflicted about my sexuality (again) lately. It started a couple weeks ago when I was talking to a friend and she made a comment about something I said. Normally I would’ve brushed it off (because people’ve always thought I was gay), but I guess it was good timing? I’ve always had a fascination for both sexes, and I just came to terms about dating a transgender, and now I’m thinking that I’m pansexual? I’ve been trying to stay away from dating women (I’m female) because of my parents. I’m a 17 year old female, don’t know if I added that The anon talking about the pansexuality dilemma I’ve also never dated anyone before (no one’s legitimately asked me out before). I’m so sorry for spamming you I’ll stop now- have a nice day (Anon from the age and pansexuality thing) hello anon, before i delve into…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i am a 20 year old female and i have been questioning my sexuality for the longest time…”

March 29, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: hello, i am a 20 year old female and i have been questioning my sexuality for the longest time. i may have come to the conclusion i might be grey-ace? seeing that i have never really been interested into getting in a relationship, though i have had a few crushes (both female and male) and even felt sexual feelings, but i did not want to engage in any of that b/c it felt awkward for me to put myself in that position. i don’t really know what to categorize myself as. hello anon. sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. anon, if you feel like gray-ace is a word that describes you, then i say go with that and see where it takes you. identity labels like “gray-ace” are useful for communicating information about yourself and your identity to others, as well as for finding community…

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Vesper H.

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