QAC 63 – Story Time: Coming Out To A Coworker || Visibly Queer | Non-Binary || The T Files #003
ever tried to come out to someone only to be met with “i already knew that”? before last week, i couldn’t say that i have, but when a coworker thinks their “gaydar” is on-point, but that gaydar ever-so-predictably fails to extend beyond just “GAY”, mental eye rolling, story time and a mini word vomit ensue. what does it mean to be “visibly queer” and why is it that more often than not ‘queer’ is often taken to be synonymous with “gay”? and is there any such thing as “visibly trans” or “visibly non-binary”? don’t expect to find any answers here, as it took me considerable effort just to limit my apathetic word vomit to 5 minutes zzz… two days post-recording and much sleep deprivation later…
on coming out to my psychiatrist
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
Feedback: “i just read your post on HuffPo and I just love it…”
inariedwards said: hi i just read your post on HuffPo and I just love it and it was lovely to see someone the same age as me to talk about being late to the non-binary thing like I was, y’know? 🙂 so anyway, this is just a hello and a thank you 🙂 have an excellent day (re: this post) hello and thanks both for reading the article and for the kind message. 🙂 indeed, it means a lot to me whenever i come across something written / made by someone my age or older pertaining to both their age and being non-binary. i wish i came across things like that more often… again, thanks for the message. have a great day yourself!
“Gender is a Much More Beautifully Complex Thing Than Society Would Have You Believe”- Ditch the Label
Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realize that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely. […] when @ditchthelabel, an international anti-bullying charity, approached me about writing…
Q&A: “Any recommendations for meeting other trans/non-binary either Japanese or gaijin in Japan?”
nerdyglitterpatrol said: Hey Vesper. I’m a non-binary transman (fledgling danso) living in Japan. I came here very recently, at the end of July, so it’s been about 2 months now. I’ve been curious about finding other non-binary or trans individuals that I could be friends with to generally explore the lgbt and non-binary parts of Japanese life, culture, and society. Any recommendations for meeting or making friends with other trans/non-binary either Japanese or gaijin in Japan? Second part of my question. I’ve considered using mixi, but I have no idea how it works and while I’m decent at conversational Japanese, reading it is another story. I’m also hesitant to come out as non-binary trans to Japanese people because the concepts seem to be underdeveloped in Japan, Japanese people don’t seem to know what to do with non-binary/trans individuals. And it’s hard for me to come out to my cis friends…
Q&A: “Do you have any tips for dealing with an unsupportive family?”
anonymous said: Do you have any tips for dealing with an unsupportive family? See, I came out as nb/pan awhile ago and while they weren’t happy they weren’t bad about it. However, me and my father got into a massive fight in which he yelled at me that he’ll never see me as anything other than my agab, and a whole litany of other homophobic and transphobic comments. I haven’t been talking to him because it’s far too painful to do so, but now my mother says I’ve rejected him and am causing too much tension and that I’m tearing the family apart, and that I need to get over it because I’m being selfish. How do I smooth things over with my family, because I don’t want to tear my family apart, and look after myself at the same time? This situation is causing a lot of mental strain.…
Q&A: “i am agender, but also a girl, simulaneously and constantly.”
anonymous said: i am agender, but also a girl, simulaneously and constantly. im nervous about telling people this because i dont want them to tell me i cant be be angender AND a girl. i usually just say im nonbinary but specifically im an agender girl. is this okay? of course it’s okay, anon. you aren’t obligated to tell anyone anything about your genders to begin with. if you do choose to tell someone something, it’s entirely up to you what / how much you tell them. in fact, i’m pretty sure that a lot of people come out as non-binary and leave it at that sometimes, not because they don’t identify as a more specific gender (or genders) but just because they don’t want to have to deal with people’s negative reactions or questions. there is absolutely nothing wrong with simplifying or selectively choosing what you tell people because…
QAC 45 – Forced Out of the Closet: 2 Years Later | Coming Out Again (Non-Binary Bi / Pan Asexual)
it’s been 2 years since i was forced out of the closet by my mom; it’s been 5 months since my last video about how things are going with my family. this video is long, but it’s also long overdue. the past 5 months have been an emotional roller coaster. from breaking off communication with my mom, to coming out to my sister as bi / panromantic, to being met with further attempts at invalidation, to being “home” for the holidays, to coming out as non-binary to my sister, to FINALLY being referred to by my real name…. 2 years later, things are finally looking up. kind of. only time will tell what 2016 will bring. TRIGGER WARNING for sexual abuse & child abuse with a time jump point in the video itself so you can safely watch and skip the trigger. […] long video is long, but that’s what…
Q&A: ” I really identify with the term ‘maverique’, but I’m a little worried about being taken seriously…”
anonymous said: Hi! I really identify with the term ‘maverique’ and am so glad to have found it, but I’m a little worried about being taken seriously with it. It’s new and I know several gender identities are often mocked by others in the community, and certainly in society in general. ‘Maverique’ fits me so well, yet I’m still wary of using it, especially considering I plan on coming out to family soon. Should I just stick to the ‘non-binary’ umbrella for simplicity’s sake or stand by my conviction?? hello. 🙂 i’m afraid i can’t really give you an answer to your question, anon. coming out is an extremely personal decision. just as you are the only one who can decide whether to come out or not, you are the only one who can decide who you come out (or don’t come out) to and what you come out…
