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Q&A

Q&A not Q&A: “I keep following people on Tumblr thinking they’re alright only to find out later that…”

September 21, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I need to talk to you again. I keep following people on [Tumblr] thinking they’re alright only to find out later that they think het ace people don’t belong in the community and they think it’s funny when people try to explain to them why they’re wrong and it’s just so upsetting. As someone who once only identified as het ace and found comfort in the community to further understand my sexuality it’s just really sad to think that het ace’s aren’t even valid here to most people. I get so upset about it and it feels like an attack on all asexuals and even aromantics like AGAIN what theyre saying is we’re not valid members of the community unless we identify as something else as well since the A part isnt that important well we might as well hand it over to the allies since they get…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I like most genders but not male so am I poly?”

September 19, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I like most genders but not male so am I poly? I always said I am biromantic and like most genders but not male, however am I actually polyromantic, not biromantic? first of all i’d like to throw out my personal definition of these two identities/orientations so that we’re on the same page. biromantic: romantic attraction to two or more genders. polyromantic: romantic attraction to multiple genders. given the definitions above, biromantic and polyromantic are not mutually exclusive. there is overlap between the two definitions; “two or more” is analogous with “multiple”, the main difference is semantic. having said that, that isn’t to say that biromantic is analogous with polyromantic. both orientations are also identities. identities which are tied to their own respective histories, communities, etc, which are often tied to that of the bisexual and polysexual communities at large. the point i’m trying to make is…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation?”

September 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation? I don’t feel like I fit with aromantic either. Romantic orientation just doesn’t feel like a useful concept to me. I feel like I can’t even distinguish “romantic attraction” and “sensual attraction” and whatever. The way I’m attracted to people is in a way that I can’t pick apart: all the feelings go together and nothing stands out as ‘this specifically is romantic attraction.’ Can’t I /just/ be asexual? without a doubt you can (and should) feel free to discard or reject the idea of romantic orientation etc etc in regards to yourself if you do not find the concept to be useful to you. there is absolutely no requirement that you identify or describe yourself as anything. honestly, it would do the asexual community good to recognize that romantic orientation (among others)…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “Is it ok that I slowly accepted myself? Is it normal?”

August 30, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it ok that I slowly accepted myself? Like I though I was a cis girl, then when that got too uncomfortable I told myself “ok you’re a demigirl then” because I live in such a transphobic household with a strict binary and I enjoy dressing in a stereotypically female way. I recently told myself “okay. Think. She/her pronouns make you uncomfortable. Your name makes you uncomfortable. Are you really demigirl?” And I realized I’m nonbinary. Is that ok? To go through that? Is it normal? hello, anon. sorry for the slow reply. not only would i say that it’s okay to accept yourself slowly, i’d say that it’s actually very common for self-acceptance to be a slow process/journey. i honestly think that it is that way for most people. i know that for me personally learning to understand and accept both my sexuality and my gender…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I’m very hesistant to identify as nonbinary because as a dmab individual…”

August 27, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m very hesistant to identify as nonbinary because as a dmab individual, I’ve been told that I’m a male my whole life even if I haven’t neccessarily felt that way. It’s one of those things that’s so ingrained in my being that I can’t imagine anyone seeing past it. I’m cis-passing and privileged to the point that calling myself non-binary, calling myself trans feels like hijacking and claiming a struggle, an oppression that I haven’t really faced. :/ I don’t want to be problematic. Any thoughts? hello, anon. 🙂 it sounds like your policing your own identity and i think that it is fairly safe to say that many maaaany people do this/feel this way when they first begin to question their gender identity. i just want to stress that if you feel that you are not the gender that you were assigned at birth, then you…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space…”

August 27, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper! Hope you’re well. I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space because it’s “not for them” (I’m Ace but not straight) and I found it really disheartening how so many people (Who are part of LGBT) agreed that they didn’t belong w/o listening to actual ace/aro people. To me it sounds like they want to drop the “A” altogether. I was just wondering what your thoughts are? Thanks. hi anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. sadly, people saying crap like this is nothing new. it is incredibly disheartening how people within the LGBT (and ace) community(ies) are so quick to police others’ identities. you’d think that people who have had their own identities policed wouldn’t rehash the same shit onto others, but no. everyone wants to host an…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “what do you think of pangender?”

August 14, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: hey sorry, I’m autistic and am having a hard time picking a side on this because both seem to make sense to me, so I’m asking around. what do you think of pangender? what do i think….? i think that what i think doesn’t matter at all, but… personally, i do not understand pangender. i do not understand how one could be all genders. for one, a person has no way of even knowing every gender that exists. imho, there are potentially as many genders as there are people on this planet, so there are genders that one will never even encounter in one’s lifetime. secondly, there are genders which are inherently or intrinsically connected to or rooted in a specific culture. a person who is outside of this culture has no right to even suggest that they are these genders, even if only in part. just…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “Is it possible to be Heteroromantic, bisexual and asexual all at the same time?”

August 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it possible to be Heteroromantic, bisexual and asexual all at the same time? it is entirely possible to be heteroromantic and __sexual at the same time. i am confused, though. what do you mean by bisexual and asexual? do you fluctuate between the two? or perhaps you experience sexual attraction towards some genders but then experience none towards other(s)? if it’s the latter, i’d personally (and this is just what i’d personally do, i am not telling you to do this) probably identify as heteroromantic bisexual rather than heteroromantic bisexual asexual. being bisexual does not mean that you experience sexual attraction indiscriminately. it’s common for there to be gender(s) that one isn’t sexually attracted to, so i wouldn’t feel a need to identify as asexual on top of bisexual. also, being asexual means that one doesn’t experience sexual attraction regardless of gender, which contradicts being bisexual.…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “Can I still be considered bi?”

August 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I have a question, sorry if you’ve been asked similiar ones before. I’m sure you have. I’m a female and I like men and nb genders. I feel like I like other females too, but not to the same degree. I can see myself doing some sexual things with them, and I am attracted to the female body. But I don’t know if I would go all the way with sex with a woman. I feel like this somehow makes me less bi :/ I guess my question is: can I still be considered bi? yes. 150% yes. it’s totally a misconception that bi people (and multisexual/multiromantic people in general) experience attraction equally or in the same exact way towards all of the genders that they are attracted to. this is nothing more than a misconception. a very harmful and often biphobic misconception– or even stereotype. more…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: ” I’ve always identified sexually as bi, but maybe I’m homo?”

August 1, 2015 / No Comments

coffeeartheart said: So I watched your video ‘QAC 03’ and Its a lot to take in. I’m 20 and it just occurred to me that I may be (if I got it right) a Biromantic Homosexual but I was looking for conformation: What if I love ladies sexually in both a visual and physical way and I find guys attractive in a sexual way and want them to hold me, but the moment things get even remotely sexual it’s like I thought of dead puppies. I’ve always identified sexually as bi, but maybe I’m homo? Sorry for my personal inquiries.. hi! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. your ask itself is most certainly not something you need apologize for! a common misconception that people have is that bisexual are assumed to be equally attracted to all of the genders that they are attracted to. while…

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Vesper H.

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