ace spectrum Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Hi, I identify as bi and aro and I’ve been questioning being on the asexual spectrum for a year…”

October 2, 2017 / No Comments

anonymous said: (part 1/2) Hi, I identify as bi and aro and I’ve been questioning being on the asexual spectrum for a year but I can’t get anywhere. I’ve always noticed I wasn’t attracted to my partners even before I knew asexuality existed but oddly, it didn’t bothered me or made me question things on the moment. However, I can have fantasies about people I know or celebrities but it never becomes reality. When I have sex with my partners, it’s because I have a libido and I feel emotionally good with them. (part 2/2) I can’t relate with most ace stories since I have fantaisies, a libido and sex. But at the same time, I can’t totally relate either with allosexual way of things. And being bi means I exist in that weird paradox where I can’t draw the line between being attracted to all genders or none. I…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “So I got a very flirty personality. My flirting however is I’d say 90% non sexual…”

July 3, 2017 / No Comments

songsandtimetravel said: Ok. So I got a very flirty personality. My flirting however is I’d say 90% non sexual, and the other 10% is with the people I feel a mutual sexual “connection” with. I know that my friendliness have been confused with sexual attraction before with non-ace people. I love my personality but as I get more involved with the queer and non binary community I get get to know more Ace-people too, and I don’t want to come off as overly sexual or make them uncomfortable.Got any thoughts on what I can do? sorry for taking so long getting back to you. not sure if you even still want to hear my thoughts, but… i think that the situation that you’ve found yourself in is reflective of an overarching problem within society as a whole rather than being reflective of a problem with flirting or your personality.…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

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April 5, 2018
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Cosmopolitan: “Everything You Need To Know About Demisexuality”

March 20, 2017 / No Comments

Cosmopolitan revisited an article on demisexuality that was originally published in 2015, featuring it on their Snapchat today. the article was also featured on Snapchat’s “Discover” alongside a CNN feature on a trans man’s experience with dating. the article can be found on Cosmopolitan.com.

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Japan[ese], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I have a question regarding the Japanese use of the terms asexual and nonsexual…”

July 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous post: I have a question regarding the Japanese use of the terms asexual and nonsexual. Is asexual generally used by all aces on the aromantic spectrum or do arospec aces who sometimes feel romantic attraction (such as grey aromantics) typically prefer to use nonsexual? I’d like to get more involved with the ace community when I (hopefully) move to Japan, but I feel like the Japanese terminology doesn’t even let me describe myself… (re: this post) bearing in mind that everything i’m about to say is based entirely on my own limited experience and observation… i can count the number of times i’ve met or heard of a Japanese person actively identifying in some way as gray or demi on one hand. generally speaking, awareness of nuanced ace & aro spectrum identities / orientations is hardly a thing among Japanese aces. the only time i hear any explicit mention of…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “…the way mainstream media sexualizes wlw relationships so dramatically is making it really hard for me to figure out…”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi. I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but I’m on the ace spectrum and the way mainstream media sexualizes wlw relationships so dramatically is making it really hard for me to figure everything out. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do I get past it? i can’t speak for anyone else but myself, but at the same time i am fairly certain that many people (ace spectrum or not, woman themself or not) struggle with the hypersexualization of women in general in the media and trying to figure out one’s own feelings in spite of that hypersexualization. however, you’re not just anyone. trying to figure out your feelings in the midst of all this hypersexualization as a woman loving woman (wlw) yourself (or so i assume; apologies if i’m wrong) makes the stuff in the media feel all the more potent and difficult to navigate, i think. wlw…

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Vesper H.

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May 6, 2016
[A]sexuality, Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels!”

June 29, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels! I identify under both the ace and aro umbrellas, but it’s weird and hard to explain and trying to say I’m bi/pan/poly/etc (even without -romantic) carries that weird connotation that doesn’t fit me. I actually think you just managed to put my feelings into words??? I’m having an epiphany and I need to go think about this more. (re: this post) i know right? i’m also very fond of ‘queer’ as a word and identity and identify strongly with it. sometimes i refer to myself as a ‘queer asexual’ rather than as a ‘bi / pan asexual’ for the sake of brevity and/or to avoid assumptions, depending on the situation and who i’m talking to. whenever i do that, ‘queer’ isn’t acting as a replacement for ‘bi’ or ‘pan’, but rather as yet another…

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Vesper H.

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May 7, 2017

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I identify as gray-ace, but it feels too vague to me and causes unnecessary worries to my partner…”

June 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper! I identify as gray-ace, but it feels too vague to me and causes unnecessary worries to my partner about pushing me to do things I don’t really want (that never happens). I haven’t been able to find a more specific term. I do feel sexual attraction, so much that it’s obvious to me, but only when I decide I want to feel it in an interaction with someone. Cupio and recipro don’t fit. I call it conveniosexual as a joke because it is convenient, but is there an existing word? …i really hate to say this, but if your partner is concerned about pushing you to do things that you don’t really want to do, it seems unlikely to me that changing your identity would at all be a solution for that. forgive me if i’m out of line for saying this, but i’m doubtful that…

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Vesper H.

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October 8, 2018
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “what is the difference between a panromantic demisexual and a demi-pansexual?”

May 29, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi. I was wondering if you would be able to tell me what is the difference between a panromantic demisexual and a demi-pansexual? for some people, they can mean the same thing. it really depends on what the terms mean to the person/people identifying as them. a possible difference: a panromantic demisexual may have the potential to experience romantic attraction towards people of any gender, but they experience sexual attraction towards no one until they have a strong, emotional bond with someone, at which time they may or may not experience sexual attraction towards that person. a demi-pansexual may have the potential to experience sexual attraction towards people of any gender, but they don’t experience sexual attraction until they have a strong, emotional bond with someone, at which time they may or may not experience sexual attraction towards that person. these are but one of many possible ways that…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “what are the qualifications to classify yourself as an asexual?”

February 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: This may be a stupid question to ask, but what are the qualifications to classify yourself as an asexual? I think I may be one, but then again I do have my doubts and other people say I’m not, but I’m just not sure. Thanks if you can answer this, sorry if I’m a bother hi, anon. this isn’t a stupid question, nor are you a bother. 🙂 there are no “qualifications” as such, all that really matters (in so far as i’m concerned) is that identifying as asexual feels right for you. the most common definition of asexuality is experiencing sexual attraction towards no one, at least in part because many asexual people feel like that describes them. however, that isn’t the only way to come to identify as asexual and it certainly doesn’t describe everyone who is asexual. the determining factor to whether you’re asexual or not…

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Vesper H.

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EVERYTHING ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC (Part 1) | The ABC’s of LGBT

January 15, 2016 / No Comments

youtuber @ashleymardell just released part 1 of her long awaited trilogy on asexuality and aromanticism! this video series is about both asexuality and aromanticism and is part of a larger series of videos called “The ABC’s of LGBT”. you might be thinking that this is probably just another one of those asexuality or aromanticism 101 videos made by someone who isn’t ace or aro themselves, but that’s the thing. it’s actually not!

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Vesper H.

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