me: could you maybe NOT make me think about that thing anymore maybe MAYBE? anxiety: did you know that that thing that you THINK you don’t want to think about but are thinking about anyway is a legit thing that you OUGHT to be thinking about– because WHAT IF?? i mean, just think about it! that thing? IT’S A THING. THAT YOU ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT. that thing. fuck.
as someone who can count on one hand the number of people they’ve ever had intense feelings for over the course of 32 years of this thing called “Life” and still have fingers to spare, can i just say that this whole intense feelings thing is an adjustment? with a learning curve, apparently, because what little past experience i have feels like nothing in comparison, and yet has still managed to do nothing but hinder me in the present. might as well only count the one finger. yes. that finger. because fuck you, ghosts of relationships past that still haunt me to this day.
blaqueer: so, you know that saying “laughter heals the soul”…? well, i certainly wouldn’t go that far, but it did make for a good, even if “childish”, way to pass the time on Snapchat at work today. at the very least, it’s better than getting annoyed or frustrated, as per usual. see: original post bitmoji and Snapchat make for Tumblr-worthy reactionary screenshots, apparently.
that feel when you finally have a use for relationship terminology, but none of it makes sense to you because all of it is predicated on the assumption that you subscribe to the dichotomy of “romantic” vs “[queer]platonic”– not to even mention the equally taxing concept that is “alterous”.
…it’s always disconcerting to be reminded of how people seem to have an impression of me as a person / my personality that doesn’t at all reflect who i am in reality.
it’s only been 48 hours, but i’m finally on T! 62.5 mg/ml of Enarmon Depot (エナルモンデポー) every two weeks, to be specific. The T Files is a series of videos documenting my journey to get testosterone in Japan and wherever i may end up with it from there. while this series may be helpful for those who are interested in the process of getting HRT (more specifically, testosterone) in Japan, it’s also just my personal playlist of [shit]videos about my adventures with T for my own future reference. watch at your own digression. :p more like 72+ hours on T now, but who’s counting. only YouTube, who immediately flagged this video as inappropriate for some advertisers, presumably just because it had “testosterone” and “HRT” in it. sigh.
queernigga: since conversation about blackface in japan is springing up again and summa y’all want to act brand new as if this is isolated and never happens let’s talk about the original mascot of Calpis, used from the 1920s until the fucking 1980s. Lemme also link one of my old videos about an experience with blackface drag in 新宿二丁目。 literally walked past a vintage ad for Calpis with this character on it yesterday at an antiques store in Kamakura; that was my first encounter with Calpis’ history with this character. can’t say i was surprised, but definitely disappointed. to this day, not only blackface but also redface and yellowface (re: depictions of people of other asian ethnic groups) is still very much alive and well in Japan– especially in the 芸能界 / entertainment industry. and without fail, every time something like this happens– if it even makes it into the…
posted with the permission of a friend, the above gem is but one of many examples of antiblack racism, transphobia and binarism that my friend is subjected to regularly on Grindr in Osaka and Tokyo. sharing it here as i often hear of this kind of thing happening on Grindr in English speaking countries, but see little about it beyond that. antiblackness is not unique to America or other English speaking countries, it is universal. and least there be any false assumptions made based on the above example being in English, my friend receives similar messages from non-English speakers in Japanese and has also received such messages during their time living in South Korea. this is Old News that is apparently Breaking News to some, but rest assured it most certainly is not Fake News.
blaqueer: From a mixed-race household with Middle Eastern and Irish heritage, Riyadh – with his unusual name and fair complexion – knows first-hand how judgemental the gay community online can be. With his perceived ‘white privilege’, he explores the casual racism in the LGBTQ+ community and asks, when does preference become prejudice? Queer Britain is a six-part series, and new episodes will be released each Sunday morning. cw: blatant racism, sexual objectification, explicit genitalia & sex talk… mind your triggers. there was one part of this where i had to pause the video (multiple times) and silently scream streams of expletives. guess when that was. come on, i dare you. suffice it to say that by the time the episode finally moved on from focusing on the gay scene, i was legit relieved. even so, residual silent screaming.
