opinion Archives | Page 15 of 16 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation?”

September 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation? I don’t feel like I fit with aromantic either. Romantic orientation just doesn’t feel like a useful concept to me. I feel like I can’t even distinguish “romantic attraction” and “sensual attraction” and whatever. The way I’m attracted to people is in a way that I can’t pick apart: all the feelings go together and nothing stands out as ‘this specifically is romantic attraction.’ Can’t I /just/ be asexual? without a doubt you can (and should) feel free to discard or reject the idea of romantic orientation etc etc in regards to yourself if you do not find the concept to be useful to you. there is absolutely no requirement that you identify or describe yourself as anything. honestly, it would do the asexual community good to recognize that romantic orientation (among others)…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space…”

August 27, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper! Hope you’re well. I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space because it’s “not for them” (I’m Ace but not straight) and I found it really disheartening how so many people (Who are part of LGBT) agreed that they didn’t belong w/o listening to actual ace/aro people. To me it sounds like they want to drop the “A” altogether. I was just wondering what your thoughts are? Thanks. hi anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. sadly, people saying crap like this is nothing new. it is incredibly disheartening how people within the LGBT (and ace) community(ies) are so quick to police others’ identities. you’d think that people who have had their own identities policed wouldn’t rehash the same shit onto others, but no. everyone wants to host an…

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Vesper H.

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February 23, 2016

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Q&A: “what do you think of pangender?”

August 14, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: hey sorry, I’m autistic and am having a hard time picking a side on this because both seem to make sense to me, so I’m asking around. what do you think of pangender? what do i think….? i think that what i think doesn’t matter at all, but… personally, i do not understand pangender. i do not understand how one could be all genders. for one, a person has no way of even knowing every gender that exists. imho, there are potentially as many genders as there are people on this planet, so there are genders that one will never even encounter in one’s lifetime. secondly, there are genders which are inherently or intrinsically connected to or rooted in a specific culture. a person who is outside of this culture has no right to even suggest that they are these genders, even if only in part. just…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality?”

July 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality? Like for a year claim im bi, then like turn around and the next year say im a lesbian but then question it again 2 years later?… not everyone is always (or ever) 100% certain of their sexuality. sexuality is very, very complex. hell, for some people it even changes over time. as such, some people question their sexuality for months or years, some people are perpetually in a state of uncertainty and some eventually identify as one thing or another only to question that identity again down the road. and all of this is 100% ok. there is nothing wrong with or strange about questioning one’s sexuality. there is nothing wrong with changing the word(s) you use to describe yourself, no matter how many times you do it. regardless of whether it is just the…

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
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Q&A: “What is sexual attraction exactly?”

July 9, 2015 / No Comments

fajitasvanitas said: (Coming from an ace) what is sexual attraction exactly? Is it like “I want to have sex with this person?” Or?? coming from another ace who has never actually experienced sexual attraction first hand, that sounds about right. at least, in so far as i understand it. or as i put it in another post re: libido vs sexual attraction: for many people (including asexuals), it can be hard to distinguish between sexual attraction and sex drive/libido because they often do influence each other. if a sexual person feels sexually attracted to someone, that someone generally becomes the driving force behind one’s sex drive. however, it is totally possible to experience one without the other. in other words, sexual attraction is being attraction to/drawn to someone in such a way that that person becomes the target of one’s sexual feelings (libido).

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you think that would be poly or bi? I don’t feel I’m straight because of the attraction to nonbinary individuals, but…”

June 25, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m questioning currently. I’m female but attracted to males, demiboys, and some agender and genderfluid individuals. But mostly masculine presenting nb individuals. Do you think that would be poly or bi? I don’t feel I’m straight because of the attraction to nonbinary individuals. But I’m MOSTLY attracted to masculinity. hello, anon. i’ll be honest, this is kind of a tough ask for me to answer. it sounds like you’re looking to define your sexuality based on the appearance or gender expression of the people you are attracted to, whereas my understanding of attraction (in terms of orientations) is more based on a person’s gender identity rather than how a person presents themself. you said that you are mostly attracted to masculinity. people of literally ANY gender can present themselves in a masculine manner. does this mean that you could potentially be attracted to a masculine person of…

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
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[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Queer[ness]

Ace Day: What You Should Know

May 11, 2015 / 1 Comment

many people on Tumblr recently celebrated “Ace Day” on May 8th, 2015. many of those people are completely unaware of the controversy and ill feelings that surround the creation of this day. at the same time, some people are aware of it and have responded to it by not participating. that said, i’ve seen people (who obviously mean well) commenting both in posts and in tags shit that basically boils down to “TDOV copied/piggybacked off of the blackout day! how racist! we shouldn’t be like them!” please educate yourselves. TDOV predates the blackout, having been celebrated since 2010. TDOV isn’t a f’kin selfie day. it was founded by Rachel Candall to create a more cheerful and positive day to celebrate and recognize trans people, as opposed to the much more somber Transgender Day of Rememberance, the only other international event specifically about trans people who have passed away. but you…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “to be sexually attracted to someone, do you necessarily have to fantasize about…?”

April 13, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m sorry if this is dumb, but I’ve always been confused about the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. To be sexually attracted to someone, do you necessarily have to fantasize about partaking in sexual acts with that person? I’m wondering because I have never been attracted to sex or anything related to sex. I don’t think I’ll ever have sexual fantasies about anyone, and my disinterest in sex has nothing to do with my religious or moral beliefs. Is this normal? anon, i feel like you’re asking the wrong person this question since i’ve never even experienced sexual attraction myself lol….. based on my understanding of sexual attraction, what you’ve described (fantasizing about partaking in sexual acts with someone) may be a part of sexual attraction for some people, yes. however, someone can fantasize about partaking in sexual acts without actually wanting to partake in such…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “For the longest time, I identified as demiro, for a pretty similar reason.”

April 4, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: For the longest time, I identified as demiro, for a pretty similar reason. I never understood romance for what it apparently is– I don’t now, either– but I have always had pretty intense squishes. Romance seemed like the “answer”– a grown-up, committed relationship, more than friendship. But, similar to what you’ve said, I was never the one to initiate it. My confusion really culminated when my romantic partner way back when told me that he loved me, and I…just couldn’t say it back. I got even more confused later as I kept seeing these squishes as romance, questioning my “sexuality” as I developed one on a same-gendered friend, who later shot me down horribly. Another relationship revealed that I thought of my partner as a sibling, not as anything romantic. I’m in a QPR now, after figuring things out “enough,” but there’s still a lot of confusion; I still…

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Vesper H.

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AskAPan Week 06 – “Genderblind”ness (+DOMA comments)

June 28, 2013 / No Comments

my (humble) opinion on many pansexual’s and panromantic’s use of the term “genderblind” and why such a term is highly problematic, plus brief comments re: DOMA.

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Vesper H.

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