Q&A: “to be sexually attracted to someone, do you necessarily have to fantasize about…?”

anonymous said:

I’m sorry if this is dumb, but I’ve always been confused about the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. To be sexually attracted to someone, do you necessarily have to fantasize about partaking in sexual acts with that person? I’m wondering because I have never been attracted to sex or anything related to sex. I don’t think I’ll ever have sexual fantasies about anyone, and my disinterest in sex has nothing to do with my religious or moral beliefs. Is this normal?


anon, i feel like you’re asking the wrong person this question since i’ve never even experienced sexual attraction myself lol…..

based on my understanding of sexual attraction, what you’ve described (fantasizing about partaking in sexual acts with someone) may be a part of sexual attraction for some people, yes. however, someone can fantasize about partaking in sexual acts without actually wanting to partake in such acts in real life. fantasy is one thing, reality another; fantasies aren’t always reflective of one’s actual will or desires. have you heard of autochorissexuality / aegosexuality, by any chance?

i think that sexual attraction has more to do with someone’s actual will or desire than it has to do with fantasy, coupled with feelings that link that will/desire for sex to a specific person.

a person could have a strong sex drive/libido and desire sex just for the sake of having sex because it feels good etc. attraction to a specific person needn’t have anything to do with that. once a specific person becomes the target of that desire/will, then it becomes sexual attraction, imho.

does that make sense…? that’s my understanding of sexual attraction, anyway.

if you’ve never had the will or desire to have sex with a specific person, then perhaps you’ve never experienced sexual attraction. only you can really say if you have or not.

that said, there is no such thing as “normal”. everyone is different. everyone.

now if you asked me if not experiencing sexual attraction was common, i’d have to say no, it isn’t.  but  something being uncommon does not make it “strange” or “abnormal”. even if it’s uncommon, there are still millions of people who don’t experience sexual attraction. you’d be among good company. 🙂

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

Leave a comment?