mental illness Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Mental [Un]health, Queer[ness]

Burnt Out & Neurotic: The Toll of Blogging While Ace and Mentally Ill

December 26, 2018 / 3 Comments

Over the course of the past few years or so, I've had no choice but to come face-to-face with the fact that I'm not exactly the spitting image of mental health. That, in fact, I never have been, having struggled with persistent depression and social anxiety for years, whether I was conscious of that fact or not. As such, debilitating depression/anxiety isn't new to me. Simultaneous burnout and mental breakdown on account of blogging was, however.

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Vesper H.

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🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA
January 4, 2020
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QAC 57 – Depression and Anxiety, meet Antidepressants | Sertraline | Mental Health

July 9, 2017 / 1 Comment

for over 15 years i’ve struggled with Depression and Anxiety without therapy or medical intervention for numerous reasons, but having had Depression and Anxiety mop the floor with my ass for the past several months, i’ve finally bitten the bullet and sought out help in the form of antidepressants. in this video, i talk about my recent bout with depression and anxiety, my first psychiatric appointment and my first week on antidepressants. don’t want to watch the whole thing? don’t blame you, i’m longwinded as fuck. here are some jump points: ?00:31 – deteriorating mental health ?06:16 – first psychiatric appointment ?11:03 – antidepressants: the bad ?16:42 – antidepressants: the good …so this happened.

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Vesper H.

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Burnt Out & Neurotic: The Toll of Blogging While Ace and Mentally Ill
December 26, 2018

QAC 43 – Coming to Terms w/ Depression & Anxiety | Mental Health
December 7, 2015

…the state of this blog, basically.
May 28, 2017
[Random] Thoughts, Black[ness], Japan[ese], Mental [Un]health, Queer[ness]

on perpetual exhaustion

December 4, 2016 / 2 Comments

that feel when someone asks you how you are and you respond saying that you’re “tired”, knowing full well that they’ll take what you said differently from how you meant it. but that’s okay. because you’re fucking tired. you don’t have the energy to do anything about their understanding of the word anyway. hell, you yourself may not even know what kind of tired you are that day. are you depressed tired? are you anemic tired? are you queer tired? are you gaslighted tired? are you black tired? are you expat tired? are you anxious tired? are you one of the Many Other Kinds of tired? are you All Of The Above And More tired? ah yes, that’s right. you are a unique concoction of All The Above And More tired, further compounded upon by having to persevere through life as if you aren’t actually tired at all. when life…

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Vesper H.

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gender feels; racial trauma.
December 6, 2017

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May 25, 2016
Feedback, Mental [Un]health, Q&A

Q&A not Q&A: “you’re personality REALLY reminds me of me. I’m also what you call “apathetic as hell.””

June 19, 2016 /

anonymous said: you’re personality REALLY reminds me of me. I’m also what you call “apathetic as hell.” I just think you can catch more flies with honey. People shut down if you automatically start tearing them down. You don’t build yourself (& others) up by tearing someone (& others) down. PLUS you’ll NEVER get them to understand what you’re talking about if you attack them back because they’ll be in their defensive mindset. It’s effective in helping people evolve. It’s also important to pick your fights. If you’re constantly fighting not only are you going to drain yourself but people will start to take your fighting level as a basic level of how you react to things and they’ll take you less seriously. Also some people do screw up and don’t realize it; informing them on the issue and helping them improve themselves is better than just throwing them under…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
Japan[ese], Mental [Un]health, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “In your experience, does the culture in Japan label asexuals as “otaku”, “shut-ins”, or with mental illness?”

April 9, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: In your experience, does the culture in Japan label asexuals as “otaku”, “shut-ins”, or with mental illness? Or is there not as much discrimination as there is in the asian-american community? i can’t compare Japanese culture to those of Asian American communities because i’m not Asian American myself, so i can’t comment on what happens within Asian American communities. having said that, in my experience, asexuality is even less heard of in Japan than it is in America. since society for the most part doesn’t even know asexuality is a thing, i myself am not really out outside of LGBTQIA spaces and the majority of the Japanese aces that i know aren’t out outside of LGBTQIA spaces either, i have no experience with and haven’t heard of asexuals in Japan being labeled as such. yes, there certainly is stigma towards “otaku”/オタク (which doesn’t mean the exact same thing…

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Vesper H.

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September 11, 2016
[A]sexuality, Black[ness], Queer[ness], YouTube[r]

an example of intersectional acephobia if ever there was one…

December 16, 2015 / No Comments

“…seriously??” i thought to myself upon getting this notification via the YouTube app, in my email inbox and then on the YouTube homepage. i was just going to ignore it and move on, but after seeing the same notification for a third time i decided to look further… …i was prepared for things to get worse, but not this worse. the above is only a sample of the bullshit that can be found on this guy’s YouTube channel. dare i even subject myself to watching any of the videos, let alone the video in question? as always, curiosity killed the cat… ……..so this guy was pointed in my direction by someone who has obviously watched several of my videos (ie. by someone who cannot not know that i am non-binary) but who is still misgendering me and who for some reason felt the need to disclose personal information about me, my mental health…

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Vesper H.

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May 14, 2016

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May 14, 2016

…so this happened at TRP today.
May 7, 2016
Mental [Un]health, YouTube[r]

QAC 43 – Coming to Terms w/ Depression & Anxiety | Mental Health

December 7, 2015 / 1 Comment

my journey to self-awareness and self-acceptance regarding the state of my own mental health has been a long one. 15-some-odd years i’ve been struggling with persistent depression and social anxiety and my journey is far from over. in this video i talk about how i went for over a decade without even knowing what “mental health” even was and how i’ve struggled going from that to where i am today, having finally accepted my mental health for what it is. i also briefly mention how the intersectionality of race, sexuality and gender factored into my struggle with mental wellbeing. for those who’d prefer to read most of what was said here, check out this Tumblr post: http://tmblr.co/Z04EMt1y9JmEq the video ended up being fairly long, but oh well. i’m glad i wrote most of it out and posted it to Tumblr first then sat on it for weeks. made talking about…

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Vesper H.

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willpower, sweat, and tears
January 30, 2020

landscapes and fissures: navigating ace terminology in Japanese & English
June 1, 2018

chronic long-term memory problems…
July 4, 2018
Mental [Un]health

Persistent Depression & Anxiety: My Personal Journey

November 15, 2015 / 1 Comment

this post corresponds to a vlog that i will be posting have posted on my channel soon, but i figured i’d write out my feelings now and test the waters on Tumblr first. warning: talk of death and self-harm, along with lots of negativity in general. also, this post is extremely long. 15-some-odd years. that’s how long i guesstimate that i’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety. and yet i’ve only become aware of this over the course of the past 3~ years and have only come to accept it within the last year. like my sexuality and gender, mental health is something i’ve had to learn about and navigate entirely on my own. the journey has been rough

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Vesper H.

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landscapes and fissures: navigating ace terminology in Japanese & English
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Re: QAC 51 – #ProudToBe Black Non-Binary Bi Pan AND Asexual
June 23, 2016
[Random] Thoughts, Mental [Un]health

…therapy smerapy!

August 3, 2014 / No Comments

so lately i’ve been thinking about therapy. part of me thinks that it might be a good idea. another part of me is convinced that it’s a pointless waste of money when i need to be saving money, plus i don’t /need/ therapy anyway, so why bother? i can’t seem to come to any decision. meh.

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Vesper H.

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