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Q&A

Q&A: “Is it possible to be asexual but have sexual preferences?”

June 20, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it possible to be asexual but have sexual preferences? Like being sexually aroused by only male or female bodies, but never experiencing sexually attraction to anyone in real life? anyone can have preferences, be they sexual or otherwise. this includes asexuals. however, i’m not sure that who/what arouses someone would be considered sexual preference? after all, who/what arouses someone is beyond one’s control– arousal is a physiological thing that just happens, without any conscious effort or thought? where as a preference involves consciousness/thought….? i’m probably making no sense and complicating what should be a simple question and answer. sorry. :/ imho, the simple answer is “yes.” regarding not ever experiencing sexual attraction to someone in real life, you might be interested in looking into autochorissexual / aegosexual.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What is the best way to help myself figure out [whether I’m bi or pan]?”

June 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I can’t tell if I am closer to pan or bi because I live in an area where most people are male or female. What is the best way to help myself figure that out? listen to your heart and go with whichever word you feel describes you. you don’t have to have experience with a person of every gender to identify as one or the other. just go with what feels right based on how you feel now and in the future, if it turns out that another word describes you better, than you can switch to using that word if you so choose. just checking, but do you know that both may describe you? because there is overlap between the two. [+bonus reading]

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Im a lesbian and i am not attracted to penises at all. the girl im dating is trans and…”

June 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Im a lesbian and i am not attracted to penises at all,the girl im dating is trans shes really great and im attracted to her but im unsure if i would enjoy having sex with her and i do not want her to be offened for not being attracted to her genitals hello, anon. you don’t seem to be asking a question in this ask, so i’m unsure what kind of response you’re looking for. that said, there seems to be something that you haven’t considered (or at least haven’t mentioned here) that i’d like to point out. while it’s good that you’re concerned about how your lack of attraction* to certain genitalia could be offensive to your girlfriend, you don’t seem to have considered her feelings beyond that? that she may not be comfortable having sex with you to begin with for various reasons. the topic…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction?”

June 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So, I have identified as a panromantic asexual for a while now, but I just entered my first romantic relationship and am beginning to question this. We make out sometimes, and I get aroused. How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction? He’s the only one I would want to have sex with, but is this sexual attraction or just loyalty to my partner? hello, anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask! i can’t tell you whether what you’re experiencing is one thing or another. ultimately, only you can decide that. i can say, however, that becoming aroused can and does happen to anyone, regardless of what their sexual orientation is. it’s simply a physiological reaction to stimuli which has no bearing on one’s sexual orientation. also, i personally do not consider arousal to be the same thing as libido/sex…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “How long have you been living in Japan? And whats the hardest…?”

May 16, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: How long have you been living in Japan? And whats the hardest cultural difference to get used to? 4 ½ years. there was a lot of culture shock and lessons learned in the earlier years, but at this point… i’d say the biggest thing that i continue to struggle with is work etiquette and social norms. regardless of where you live, there are a lot of things in life and in the work place that tend to go unsaid because people just know about these things. they’re social norms in your culture. well, when you work/live in a foreign country the locals sometimes forget that hey, your culture is different! they shouldn’t necessarily assume that you know or are comfortable with certain things! and that certain things that you do because it’s acceptable and “normal” in your culture is less acceptable or polite in their eyes, but hey! you might…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Before I identified as a woman and a lesbian. But now…”

April 29, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi is me again! i’m so confused about me right now. Before I identified as a woman and a lesbian. But now I’m getting very masculine, I do not care if someone calls me by male pronouns, and it looks like I’m starting to like men too. The bad thing is that there was already out of the closet to my parents. (I just like mans when i feel like a man, and i like girls when i feel like girls) thanks for sending your ask again, i’m sorry that i accidentally deleted it the first time! some people find that their sexuality and/or gender changes with time, the situation, etc. this is called gender/sexual fluidity and it’s totally natural and not uncommon at all, it just doesn’t get recognized or talked about enough. as a person who does not experience gender or sexual fluidity, i won’t…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: ” I really identify with the term ‘maverique’, but I’m a little worried about being taken seriously…”

April 25, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi! I really identify with the term ‘maverique’ and am so glad to have found it, but I’m a little worried about being taken seriously with it. It’s new and I know several gender identities are often mocked by others in the community, and certainly in society in general. ‘Maverique’ fits me so well, yet I’m still wary of using it, especially considering I plan on coming out to family soon. Should I just stick to the ‘non-binary’ umbrella for simplicity’s sake or stand by my conviction?? hello. 🙂 i’m afraid i can’t really give you an answer to your question, anon. coming out is an extremely personal decision. just as you are the only one who can decide whether to come out or not, you are the only one who can decide who you come out (or don’t come out) to and what you come out…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “what is romantic attraction vs sensual?”

April 14, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: i haven’t heard of sensual attraction until recently but i’m having a hard time separating it from romantic attraction? like what //is// romantic attraction vs sensual? sorry if this is a really basic question! not a “really basic question” at all! honestly, the world at large doesn’t even distinguish between different types of attraction, they’re all considered to be part of the same thing. it’s the asexual and aromantic communities that started dissecting attraction into different categories and it can be very confusing at times. within ace and aro communities, attraction is commonly broken up into 5 categories: platonic, aesthetic, sensual, romantic and sexual attraction. see these posts to find out the basics on all of them: [ 1 ] + [ 2 ]

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “to be sexually attracted to someone, do you necessarily have to fantasize about…?”

April 13, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m sorry if this is dumb, but I’ve always been confused about the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. To be sexually attracted to someone, do you necessarily have to fantasize about partaking in sexual acts with that person? I’m wondering because I have never been attracted to sex or anything related to sex. I don’t think I’ll ever have sexual fantasies about anyone, and my disinterest in sex has nothing to do with my religious or moral beliefs. Is this normal? anon, i feel like you’re asking the wrong person this question since i’ve never even experienced sexual attraction myself lol….. based on my understanding of sexual attraction, what you’ve described (fantasizing about partaking in sexual acts with someone) may be a part of sexual attraction for some people, yes. however, someone can fantasize about partaking in sexual acts without actually wanting to partake in such…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I’ve always had a fascination for both sexes and just came to terms about dating a transgender… I’m thinking that I’m pansexual?”

April 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’ve been conflicted about my sexuality (again) lately. It started a couple weeks ago when I was talking to a friend and she made a comment about something I said. Normally I would’ve brushed it off (because people’ve always thought I was gay), but I guess it was good timing? I’ve always had a fascination for both sexes, and I just came to terms about dating a transgender, and now I’m thinking that I’m pansexual? I’ve been trying to stay away from dating women (I’m female) because of my parents. I’m a 17 year old female, don’t know if I added that The anon talking about the pansexuality dilemma I’ve also never dated anyone before (no one’s legitimately asked me out before). I’m so sorry for spamming you I’ll stop now- have a nice day (Anon from the age and pansexuality thing) hello anon, before i delve into…

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Vesper H.

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