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gender・ sexuality・ race ・intersectionality

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  • Home
  • About
    • About QAC
    • About Vesper
  • Photos
    • Instagram
    • Tokyo Rainbow Pride
      • 2014
      • 2015
      • 2016
      • 2017
      • 2018
  • Resources
    • Asexual POC Resources
    • #LGBTQIA in Japan
  • Contact

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “why is passing considered a privilege with some identities but not others…”

    November 8, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I feel like for the disabled community and the POC community being able to pass is considered a privilege. I had read a previous anon q you answered and I felt like some of the things you mentioned in it could apply to these communities as well. Ex. Having a part of your identity being erased being oppressive and not a privilege. I guess I’m wanting to hear your opinion about why passing is considered a privilege with some identities but not others. Thanks! [the post that anon is referring to] hi, anon! i think it’s safe to assume that it’s “able-bodied passing privilege” and “white passing privilege” that you had in mind in your ask. in my humble opinion, many of the things that i said in my other post equally apply to both of these concepts of “passing privilege” as well. i may be the only person in the…

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    Vesper H.

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    April 5, 2018

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “do you think there’s something about sex positivity that oppresses aces of color?”

    November 7, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: So I’m ace, and I’ve started questioning where I stand on the whole “sex positive/negative” thing. I’ve generally been really sex positive because I believe people should do what they want as long as it’s consensual. So I replied to another ace who was telling college freshmen to “chill” about having sex so soon by telling them that it’s not really their business. And eventually it escalated to them calling me a racist for being sex positive and they didn’t really explain why? They said something about me silencing and erasing people and pressing my white views onto others, but they didn’t give any explanation for all that. I want to learn more, but I feel like if I ask them, they won’t explain anything and they’ll just keep insulting me. So, feel free to not to answer this if it seems like I’m barging in here and…

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    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once to know that for sure!””

    October 30, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: So I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once/masturbated once to know that for sure!” but the thing is I really think sex is gross. Like, I can’t even imagine having sex with someone and I already tried masturbating many times, but I never thought about it as something that gives you pleasure since I never had an orgasm or something like that. I just don’t know how to feel about all this or what to think. you do not need to have had sex or masturbated to know who you are. no one does. your friends are wrong. chances are that your friends knew who they were before they ever had sex or masturbated. they just knew. they obviously do not realize it, but they’re being hypocrites by holding you to a standard that they do not…

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    Vesper H.

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    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “does agender not fall under the non-binary umbrella?”

    October 29, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: This is more of a clarification question. Usually I see articles and posts say non-binary, but sometimes I see agender intentionally separated, so does agender not fall under the non-binary umbrella? Thanks! it depends on who you ask. generally speaking, agender is usually included as part of the “non-binary umbrella” as a gender that is not binary. that said, some agender people define their identity as being non-participatory of gender as a social identity system or as genderless. because of that, they may choose to separate themselves and/or their identity from the non-binary umbrella/community because associating with the non-binary community: suggests that their identity as agender is a gender– a non-binary gender –rather then a complete lack of gender is participating in gender, which they do not want to do does that make sense…? ^^; the non-binary community at large tends to include agender people, but some agender people…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “What do u do if u have identified as exclusively homosexual for a long time but then u fall for one person of the opposite sex?”

    October 29, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: What do u do if u have identified as exclusively homosexual for a long time but then u fall for one person of the opposite sex? Are u still homosexual or does that one exception make u something else? in my humble opinion that is entirely up to you. some people do continue to identify as homosexual but with an exception. some identify as bisexual but with an inclination towards a certain gender(s). others identify as something else entirely. it’s entirely up to the person in question. being a non-binary person myself, i feel obligated to mention that if you do eventually enter into a relationship with someone of a different gender (there is no such thing as “the opposite” sex or gender given that there are more than two), it would be worth chatting about it with your partner. especially when it comes to trans or non-binary people,…

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    Vesper H.

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “[mom’s] been telling me is that if I really am trans, I would’ve known since I was little.”

    October 29, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I came out to my mom yesterday as trans, and I kind of regret it. all she’s been telling me is that if I really am trans, I would’ve known since I was little. she’s telling me it’s probably just a phase and that I need to talk to someone. she seems really set on it, as if it’s just a problem to be solved. she told me I’m probably having an identity crisis. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I feel invalid. was I really supposed to know from a young age? it very much sounds like your mom is currently struggling with denial and grief, which is really common when a child comes out to their parent(s). she’s basically projecting her own feelings onto you, desperately hoping that she’s right. she’s telling you the same things she’s telling herself in an attempt to cope…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A and Q&A: “I just saw a long and intricate post explaining why het ace/aro people shouldn’t be in the LGBT community…”

    October 29, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I just saw a long and intricate post explaining why het ace/aro people shouldn’t be in the LGBT community as the space just isn’t for them. In the end they explained that het ace/aro’s should be allies for LGBT and that’s just something they should accept. I don’t know… I’m feeling pretty deflated now and I’ve given up all hope on ace/aro people ever being accepted in this community. I also find it insulting that it came from an ace person. I feel sad and I don’t want to be asexual anymore. oh, anon. i’m really sorry that you came across a post like that. may i recommend blocking that person and any other people whom you see similar posts from as soon as you see the post, before even reading the post? please do whatever it takes to protect yourself from hurtful posts like that, even if…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “What are your thoughts on “passing” in the queer community?”

    October 27, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: What are your thoughts on “passing” in the queer community? Mostly in terms of being mistaken for a heterosexual couple and if this actually gives people privileges that people in non-heterosexual seeming queer relationships don’t have.   sorry for taking so long to reply, anon! it’s been one hellava week…. i’ve said this before in reference to other “het-blahblahblah privilege” arguments that people make, but i’ll say it again because it equally applies to this. having one’s identity erased by society due to heteronormativity is not a privilege. i will shout this from the rooftops until the end of time. society literally assumes that e v e r y o n e is straight until “proven otherwise”, i don’t care if that person is a lesbian, gay, asexual or anything else. and yet, for some odd reason *cough*biphobia*cough* i don’t see people making the argument that a lesbian, for example, accesses “straight…

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    Vesper H.

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “…why are lesbians who don’t want to have sex with women with gentalia that repulses them considered transphobic?”

    October 13, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Different anon but I have a q about something u said in the last anon q you answered. If it is okay for people to be repulsed by certain genitalia than why do lesbians who don’t want to have sex with women with gentalia that repulses them considered transphobic? This is something I’ve seen in a lot of places on tumblr. Can you speak more about being repulsed by certain genitalia being okay?   [this is in reference to this post] *takes a deep breath, steadying themself for potential backlash from this post* …the following is my opinion, but there is a difference between: defining your orientation based solely on the genitalia you do or do not find repulsive.* (ie. saying that you’re a lesbian or gynosexual because you’re repulsed by penises.) defining your orientation based on your attraction to X (Y, Z) gender(s) and then adding a…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Is it sexual attraction if I want to do sexual things with someone even if I don’t find their bodies arousing?”

    October 13, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Is it sexual attraction if I want to do sexual things with someone even if I don’t find their bodies arousing? I’ve been calling myself demi but I’m not sure now. When I fall for people I really want to see them enjoy themselves sexually but not necessarily be part of it like autochorissexualism. Although I do enjoy sex with someone I love. I also find them more aesthetically appealing the more I like them. I just don’t know if my attraction is truly sexual. Help me?   i can’t give you a straight yes or no answer to whether you’re experiencing sexual attraction or not since it’s impossible for me to really know what exactly you’re experiencing, plus i’m no expert on sexual attraction either way, but…. in my humble opinion, there is a difference between not feeling drawn to a person in a sexual way, but…

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    Vesper H.

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    February 23, 2016
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VESPER H.

YouTuber & Blogger

Queer As Cat is the blog and YouTube channel of Vesper, an American expat currently living in Japan.
reoccurring topics include: #asexuality, #nonbinary, #queerness #blackness & #mentalhealth

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Recent Posts

  • literal “social distancing” from the ace community April 1, 2020
  • legalized weed in America: one of many chips on my Black shoulder March 7, 2020
  • willpower, sweat, and tears January 30, 2020
  • 🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA January 4, 2020
  • #YouTubeIsOverParty: COPPA & The Hypocrisy of YouTube December 15, 2019

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