asexuality Archives | Page 5 of 12 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual.”

October 12, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey vesper i need some advice, whenever I bring up that I’m ace I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual. They say asexuals are only oppressed bc they can’t have a significant other bc they don’t want sex. I’ve told them I’m insecure in being ace & they tell me I shouldn’t be bc nobody cares about asexuals. I feel like a horrible person & that it was inconsiderate & ignorant to come out as ace idk what to do or even how to feel anymore hi anon, your “friend” is the one who’s ignorant and inconsiderate, anon, not you. it’s ridiculous that they feel justified in casting aside your feelings at all, let alone based on assumptions about your life as if they even know anything about it. not only that, they’re also ignoring the fact…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 54 – Confusing Gender Envy & Admiration with Attraction || Non-Binary | Asexual

October 10, 2016 / No Comments

it’s come to my attention recently that some feelings that i assummed were attraction may have not been attraction at all, but rather “gender envy” or “gender admiration”– feelings of admiration or envy towards someone else’s gender be it their self-expression, gender identity, (lack of) gender roles or socially imposed gender norms– anything pertaining to a person’s gender. never heard of gender envy or gender admiration before…? i’m not surprised, since i just pulled the terms out of my ass for lack of a better way of referring to these gender feels that i’m attempting to navigate. as someone who’s both non-binary and asexual i feel like both of these things have played a part in me mistaking gender envy / admiration for attraction. this is something that i’m just now beginning to give thought to, so please bear with me as i stumble around trying to talk about things.…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “do you happen to know any cool aro/ace history?”

September 26, 2016 / No Comments

nohelpwhatsoever said: while on the subject of that “know your bi history” comic post, do you happen to know any cool aro/ace history? i actually haven’t come across any historical aces who aren’t linked to religious celibacy :/ (re: this post) i’m afraid that i’ll be of no help whatsoever (get it?) when it comes to history… of anything, really. history was always one of my least subjects in school because i can barely remember the events of my own life, let alone those of other people’s lives etc… that said, you’re in luck because some people are actually into (and good at) history– more specifically, ace history. i haven’t come across much in the way of aro history, sadly… in terms of ace history, though, definitely check out @historicallyace and their #history tag in particular to find a treasure trove of information about ace history in general. there’s…

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Vesper H.

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April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[Random] Thoughts, Japan[ese]

otsukaresama deshita!

September 18, 2016 / No Comments

[cross-posted in part to Ace Spec Japan] had a great time at the ace meetup today. there was a great turn out and it was nice to see some new faces. it’s amazing to see how much the group has grown in 3 years, especially since it’s mostly happened via word of mouth and Tumblr. personally, i always enjoy the stimulating conversations (and rant sessions) that are much harder to have with most Japanese people for various reasons…. looking forward to the next meetup! although at this point, i’m not sure when that’ll be. hoping that i’ll be able to visit the Kansai area sooner than later and organize a meetup down there as well because it feels rather… unfair? that all the meetups and such have thus far only be held in Kanto, which is out of reach for some. plus i just really want to visit Kansai, damnit. oh…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “i’m nonbinary and i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of [the LGBT] community…”

September 15, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: okay sorry for dragging this in here, but. i’m nonbinary. and ppl have been saying that nb ppl ARE lgbt+. but here’s the thing: i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of that community, even if i “qualify” bc at the end of the day, they still don’t want me there. they may be accepting of my identity as nb, but that would mean ignoring my identity as aro/ace. if i’m gonna be accepted somewhere, i want to be accepted for all of me, not just part. just my 2 cents. hello anon, i feel you on this. i really do. as a non-binary, bi / pan ace i’ve also been faced with people wanting to selectively choose what part of my “counts” or is “valid reason” for me to be included in something. like you, i am of the stance that acceptance of me is an…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “[my friend] told me that Ace/Aro ppl are not inherently part of the LGBT+ community unless if they identify as LGBT…”

September 13, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper. I’m still learning about all the different genders and sexualities and spectrums and I was talking to my friend the other day who’s more knowledgable than I am, and she told me that Ace/Aro ppl are not inherently part of the LGBT+ community unless if they identify as LGBT. I’m a little confused by this. Are asexuality and aromanticism not a part of LGBT+? She basically implied that bc Ace/Aro ppl are not part of LGBT+ they do not face oppression. I’m sorry if this is confusing. hello, anon. what your friend told you is nothing but her opinion and it’s an opinion that many, myself included, disagree with. you may feel like your friend is more knowledgeable than you are about gender and sexuality, but she is by no means an expert on the oppression that others do or do not face and it’s rather…

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Vesper H.

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June 1, 2013

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February 24, 2014
[A]sexuality, Japan[ese], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I was wondering if you know of any articles or websites about what it’s like being ace in Japan…”

August 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi there….I was wondering if you know of any articles or websites about what it’s like being ace in Japan (especially from the perspective of any ace people who are natively Japanese). I’m just interested in reading people’s experiences, where they learned about asexuality, etc. I tried searching google, but so much acephobic garbage came up that I had to finally shut down my browser. D: aside from the things that @harris-hijiri writes, which aren’t necessarily about the experience of being ace in Japan, i’m afraid that i don’t know of personal writing on being ace in Japan as a Japanese person that’s written in English. i tried searching for some, but i swear if i come across another article on herbivore men or ‘the japanese sex/population crisis’ written from a Western-centric point of view i’m going to throw my laptop out the goddamn window. everything that i could…

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Vesper H.

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May 7, 2016

QAC 24 – Labels: Why They’re Important + Why I Use Them
March 17, 2014

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Q&A: “My husband has known I’m more ace than anything else… he just told me he hasnt been telling…”

August 8, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey, I rly just need an outward view. My husband has known I’m more ace than anything else(pretty sure I’m full ace, pan-rom but still figuring that out)&he just told me he hasnt been telling me when he’s had sexual feelings for me because it’s “not a thing you want and I don’t want to feel like an asshole for having sexual feelings.”I explained the difference between attraction&arousal&now he is really not ok with me not having sexual attraction towards him(cause he just realised it maybe?) I have no idea what to do because he can get rly insecure and he has no idea about the pan thing. I’ve mentioned poly things too, not saying I want it but if he did I’d be okay to try it, but he said he’s done if I ever want anything like it. I guess I just feel weird about things…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I have a question regarding the Japanese use of the terms asexual and nonsexual…”

July 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous post: I have a question regarding the Japanese use of the terms asexual and nonsexual. Is asexual generally used by all aces on the aromantic spectrum or do arospec aces who sometimes feel romantic attraction (such as grey aromantics) typically prefer to use nonsexual? I’d like to get more involved with the ace community when I (hopefully) move to Japan, but I feel like the Japanese terminology doesn’t even let me describe myself… (re: this post) bearing in mind that everything i’m about to say is based entirely on my own limited experience and observation… i can count the number of times i’ve met or heard of a Japanese person actively identifying in some way as gray or demi on one hand. generally speaking, awareness of nuanced ace & aro spectrum identities / orientations is hardly a thing among Japanese aces. the only time i hear any explicit mention of…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Japan[ese], Queer[ness]

『[4ｺﾏ]☆ＡセクシュアルとAce(エース)☆』

July 27, 2016 / 1 Comment

once again i randomly came across another one of Chii’s 4-koma comic strips about asexuality on Twitter and my reaction to seeing it has me feeling guilty and torn. ;( for those who don’t speak Japanese, the comic introduces the term “ace” (slang for “asexual”) to Japanese readers and then explains how it’s connected to aces in playing cards. it also introduces readers to the concept / association that’s been floating around English-speaking ace communities of each suite being associated with specific orientations / identities. in the comic, it’s explained as: ace of hearts: romantic asexuals (known as “nonsexuals” in Japan) ace of spades: aromantic asexuals (known as “asexuals” in Japan) ace of diamonds: demisexuals and demiromantic asexuals ace of clubs: gray asexuals and grayromantic asexuals before i start ranting going on and on about ‘nothing’, i want to point out that i’m happy that “ace” is being introduced here in Japanese. no conflicting feelings there.…

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Vesper H.

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