there are words being coined for this and that all the time, especially on Tumblr, so i feel like i should explain why i’ve coined the word “maverique” and why i feel like the word “neutrois” is no longer enough for me.
before i begin, however, i want to make it clear that i am NOT coining a gender identity. i am simply coining a word and applying it to an already existent gender which the English language currently lacks a word for. genders themselves are not coined nor invented. my gender has never changed; i have always been the gender that i am. what’s changing is the word i use to describe that gender because now, finally, i have a word that is more accurate.
i have identified as neutrois for over a year… why am i changing that now? how is maverique different and why is neutrois no longer enough?
when i stopped ignoring my own gender and began researching gender identity, neutrois was the one gender that i found which resonated with me despite knowing even then that it didn’t perfectly describe my gender. i knew that i was/am neither male nor female but that i still had/have a gender at the same time and, based on what i found at the time, neutrois and gender neutral were the only terms which described that. so i settled on them, claiming them as my own.
however, as time went by i repeatedly saw people (wrongfully, imho) associating and/or confusing neutrois with agender and genderlessness, as well as throwing around some bullshit requirement of dysphoria and a desire to transition. all of this annoyed and upset me greatly until finally i found myself questioning /why/ these things bothered me so much. or rather, why the confusion between neutrois and agender bothered me so much because the reason why the dysphoria thing bothered me so much was/is blindingly obvious.
i began to question what it really meant to be gender neutral. what does “neutral” even mean??
to me, neutrality means not participating in something or not taking a side in something. meaning, in order for there to be neutrality there need to be two or more opposing sides and in declaring my neutrality, i would be distancing myself from all of them…. as if i didn’t have something of my own to say. neutrality may not involve apathy, but in my understanding of the word it doesn’t involve any kind of conviction either.
and conviction is very much what i feel in regards to my own gender.
when it comes to gender, i do not feel neutral. at all. i feel like i literally cannot be neutral about it because the sense of my own gender is too loud. it’s too conflicting with modern notions of gender to lie quiet in the shadows under some feigned pretense of neutrality. it is too unorthodox, too unconventional to be plotted as a point on a color spectrum illustrating colors (genders) between red (female) and blue (male) because it (my gender) has nothing to do with either of those at all, all while still not being an absence of color (gender).
so after months and months of doing my best to reconcile the incongruities i felt with my neutrois identity, i’m finally tired of doing so. i need a word that more accurately describes my identity and maverique is that word.
i couldn’t care less whether it becomes “a thing” or not. it would be nice to know that i am not the only person of my gender, but i can deal with it if that is the case. that i will have to explain the word every time i use it and that i’ll be considered an attention-seeking “special snowflake” for using it isn’t an issue because that’s already the case! what matters is that i am no longer trying to squeeze myself into a label that does not comfortably fit me anymore.
everyone else be damned.
i am trying my best not to step on any toes while i figure out how to translate feelings into words, however, so please do let me know if i should word something differently or if clarity is needed.