two months after moving back to America from Japan, i've finally done what i've been dreaming about doing for years...! that is, cutting off my butt-length locs of 11 years-- i.e., the #BigChop...
queerascat: …you know you have a problem when 3 out of the 4 hats that you own are exactly the same hat in exactly the same colors (black / gray / white) just in different patterns / materials. to be fair, though, the latest (solid black) one was half the price of the others despite being the same brand and everything, so of course i’m going to buy it. i mean, solid black is my thing– if anything, you’d have thought it’d have been the first hat i’d have bought, right? hmph. ;( more random thoughts about hats because i’m exceptionally longwinded tonight, apparently. …is it odd that i only got into hats once my hair started falling into “wow, your hair’s long feminine!” category in people’s eyes? like, before that i never even really gave hats any thought. now it’s almost like i feel a need to wear a hat…
today was another one of those days. after showering i looked in the mirror. why did i do that?? i knew what i’d see and how it’d make me feel. then i spent 2.5 hours doing my hair, only to have to fight the urge to cut it once i was done. again. i love my hair and yet i don’t. no one would dare try to talk me out of cutting it once i told them how it’s so heavy that it gives me headaches when i wear it in a pony tail to keep it out of the way for a prolonged period of time, or how it hurts my neck while washing it because it becomes so heavy with water; how i go through so much product that is expensive to import and how it takes 10hrs to fully dry, which sucks all kinds of hell in…
GENDER DYSPHORIA ISN’T BLACK & WHITE. NOTHING is black & white and i really wish people would stop acting as if body dysphoria is the black and social dysphoria the white of gender dysphoria. IT’S FAR MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. and that’s before you even consider that even internal/body dysphoria is inevitably connected to society, which i didn’t talk about at all in this video. anyway, i feel like more people need to acknowledge this fact, advice/resource blogs and websites especially. …i can’t even remember what it was that set me off on this rant. it was triggered earlier this week, but it wasn’t until today that i had time to get in front of a camera zzz…
one day the locs that frame my face will be gone and i can’t help but wonder if i’ll even recognize my own face without them— they’ve become such A Thing. either way, the love-hate relationship with my hair continues for now…
