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the ‘Sin City’ asexual
sometimes i think about how growing up in Las Vegas has affected me. usually this is triggered by something reminding me that growing up listening to house & trance music on the radio isn't exactly common, or when i happen to have an occasion-- for whatever reason-- to question my own apparent insensitivity to public displays of nudity, sexual innuendo, etc. even when it comes to more mundane things...
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a 1.5 hour conversation with a random Nigirian
…soooo, i just had a 1.5 hour conversation with a random Nigirian guy at Starbucks and i need to let off some steam. so, as you’d predict, i met random Nigirian guy completely randomly when i got off a train one night after work and he came chasing after me to strike up a conversation. me being the overly nice person that i am who finds it hard to say “i’m tired, go away.” ended up engaged in a short conversation with him. he seemed like a nice enough guy and i couldn’t help but feel for his situation of being the sole non-Japanese person at his workplace and not having anyone to talk to because he can’t speak Japanese. when he asked to keep in touch after i finally got up the nerve to tell him i had to go i obliged, although i knew well enough by now not to…
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Feedback: “Your video on gender envy/admiration really spoke to me.”
anonymous said: Your video on gender envy/admiration really spoke to me. When I figured out my aroace identity and my predominate aesthetic attraction to femme people I didn’t quite understand how I had convinced myself I was straight for so long. I feel like later after I realized I was masc non binary it explained more of my assumed attraction to masc people as being more along the lines of “i want to be like them”. ( re: this post ) ah, i can relate to the “convinced myself i was straight for so long” thing. i very much feel like gender envy / admiration (among other things) played a part in me falling for the whole “straight by default” (among other) shit that society fed me from Day 1 and that i likely would have broken free of that sooner had i recognized gender envy / admiration for what it…
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Q&A not Q&A: “maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality…”
anonymous said: maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality / the fact that they were raised to be available to men? I have a similar problem – logically I don’t CARE if men find me attractive, and yet I can’t stop fretting over not being “acceptable” to them. I don’t have this problem with other people even though men are the group I’m actually least interested in. I hate this and I’m trying to let go of this feeling, but it’s hard. (re: this post) that thought occurred to me, but i didn’t want to make assumptions about anon’s gender or even their AGAB, so i erred on the side of giving general commentary with that ask. but yeah, internalized heteronormativity and compulsory heterosexuality is definitely a thing that many people struggle with and anon may also be struggling with. it’s social programming that can be extremely difficult to…
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Feedback: “Thanks for your most recent post re: saying no/transphobia/people’s need to express “no” being prioritized over the well-being of trans people.”
anonymous said: Thanks for your most recent post re: saying no/transphobia/people’s need to express “no” being prioritized over the well-being of trans people. I think you cut to the heart of it – it’s not reasonable to ask trans ppl (like me) to deprioritize discussing transness and transphobia once sexual consent gets brought up. That also assumes, IMO, that trans people are never in the group of ppl who need to say no and don’t have the tools?? Which, like, trans people (and trans women especially!) are targets for sexual violence and are often *especially* lacking access to “no”. Also I think it ties really grossly into “trans women as rapists” tropes (I’m AFAB so I hope I’m getting it right) – the fact that (presumably cis) people’s consent immediately becomes the ONLY IMPORTANT THING once trans people start talking about desirability and transness speaks to how cis people honestly…
