Q&A: “I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it…”
anonymous said: I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it. I think she already knows, but I want to confirm it and then talk about it, because I’m tried of being alone. Any advice, vesper? i don’t know if this would work for you, anon, but… since you suspect that your friend may already know, perhaps you could go off of that and just casually slip it into a random conversation instead of making it a serious conversation specifically about you coming out? by that i mean that if an even vaguely related topic just happened to came up, you could say something like “well, being ______ and all, i feel like….” or “you know, i must be ____ as hell because i totally…..” or some other casual way of mentioning your sexuality / gender / etc phrased in a way that implies…
Q&A: “how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real…”
Kat said: Hi Kat again & thank u for responding & may I ask how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real she’s accepting to most things but Idk if I should tell her cuz in a few days she’s taking me on blind date so I can get “laid” there are lots different ways that you can come out to your friend, from sitting her down and having a serious conversation about it with her to waiting for the right opportunity in a conversation to just offhandedly mention it to coming out in an even more creative way. what would work best when coming out to your friend is up to you since you know your relationship with her better than anyone else. as for whether or not to come out to her, if you don’t feel comfortable with coming out to…
Q&A: “I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual.”
anonymous said: Hey vesper i need some advice, whenever I bring up that I’m ace I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual. They say asexuals are only oppressed bc they can’t have a significant other bc they don’t want sex. I’ve told them I’m insecure in being ace & they tell me I shouldn’t be bc nobody cares about asexuals. I feel like a horrible person & that it was inconsiderate & ignorant to come out as ace idk what to do or even how to feel anymore hi anon, your “friend” is the one who’s ignorant and inconsiderate, anon, not you. it’s ridiculous that they feel justified in casting aside your feelings at all, let alone based on assumptions about your life as if they even know anything about it. not only that, they’re also ignoring the fact…
Q&A: “my friends told me she decided that “mom” is gender neutral and shes going to keep calling me that…”
anonymous said: my friend group has always had this thing where they call me “mom”. a while ago I came out as trans to most of them, and one of my friends told me she decided that “mom” is gender neutral and shes going to keep calling me that bc it’s just our thing. but it’s kind of been bothering me lately bc I don’t want that used for me anymore. I feel like if I tell them that, they’ll get annoyed and ignore me and think I’m making a big deal out of it, when it actually kind of makes me dysphoric. my humble opinion is that you should be up front with them. tell them what you’ve told me, that being referred to as “mom” makes you feel dysphoric/that you aren’t comfortable being referred to as that anymore. if they’re really your friends they shouldn’t ignore or belittle your…
Q&A: “I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once to know that for sure!””
anonymous said: So I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once/masturbated once to know that for sure!” but the thing is I really think sex is gross. Like, I can’t even imagine having sex with someone and I already tried masturbating many times, but I never thought about it as something that gives you pleasure since I never had an orgasm or something like that. I just don’t know how to feel about all this or what to think. you do not need to have had sex or masturbated to know who you are. no one does. your friends are wrong. chances are that your friends knew who they were before they ever had sex or masturbated. they just knew. they obviously do not realize it, but they’re being hypocrites by holding you to a standard that they do not…
