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willpower, sweat, and tears
since returning to the US from Japan back in March, i haven't been on social media, YouTube, or this blog as much as i'd have liked. the international move itself aside, i've had my hands full juggling emotional / compassion fatigue...
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on perpetual exhaustion
that feel when someone asks you how you are and you respond saying that you’re “tired”, knowing full well that they’ll take what you said differently from how you meant it. but that’s okay. because you’re fucking tired. you don’t have the energy to do anything about their understanding of the word anyway. hell, you yourself may not even know what kind of tired you are that day. are you depressed tired? are you anemic tired? are you queer tired? are you gaslighted tired? are you black tired? are you expat tired? are you anxious tired? are you one of the Many Other Kinds of tired? are you All Of The Above And More tired? ah yes, that’s right. you are a unique concoction of All The Above And More tired, further compounded upon by having to persevere through life as if you aren’t actually tired at all. when life…
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re: …outted again?
thanks everyone for the kind, supportive replies to the above post. it means a lot. <3 as a sort of update… i ended up emailing him (because calling would have been too awkward) and finally, after tap dancing around the issue by joking about him spying on me, we had one of those extremely-rare-between-us conversations about something serious. my dad, a man of relatively few words, caught me totally by surprise. me: i saw you followed me on Twitter using a newer account than the old one that had been following me. trying to get back into Twitter? dad: No I just signed back in to the account. Just never looked at it much. That’s all. Is that why you thought I was spying on you? me: ….i was joking but yes. 😛 dad: No I’m not spying sweetheart. And you’re old enough to feel how you want. I’ll always be…
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Re: QAC 51 – #ProudToBe Black Non-Binary Bi Pan AND Asexual
ah, i had the most amusing day today, getting notifications on my phone for the comments left on this video. i’m not even pissed off anymore, it’s now become hilarious. people are saying that 4chan is behind the spam / hate attack on the #ProudToBe spotlight / hashtag and somehow that just makes it even more hilarious to me. i’m so amused that i felt like screencapping some of the 66 comments i’ve gotten on the video so far. trigger warning for pretty much any and everything. please respect your triggers. don’t read any further if you aren’t in a place where you can laugh at all this hate with me. me: *every time i got a notification on my phone today* this is when my apathy-fortified wall of No Fucks Given seems like a really awesome coping mechanism because it allows me to brush off / laugh off otherwise…
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Q&A not Q&A: “you’re personality REALLY reminds me of me. I’m also what you call “apathetic as hell.””
anonymous said: you’re personality REALLY reminds me of me. I’m also what you call “apathetic as hell.” I just think you can catch more flies with honey. People shut down if you automatically start tearing them down. You don’t build yourself (& others) up by tearing someone (& others) down. PLUS you’ll NEVER get them to understand what you’re talking about if you attack them back because they’ll be in their defensive mindset. It’s effective in helping people evolve. It’s also important to pick your fights. If you’re constantly fighting not only are you going to drain yourself but people will start to take your fighting level as a basic level of how you react to things and they’ll take you less seriously. Also some people do screw up and don’t realize it; informing them on the issue and helping them improve themselves is better than just throwing them under…
