Burnt Out & Neurotic: The Toll of Blogging While Ace and Mentally Ill
Over the course of the past few years or so, I've had no choice but to come face-to-face with the fact that I'm not exactly the spitting image of mental health. That, in fact, I never have been, having struggled with persistent depression and social anxiety for years, whether I was conscious of that fact or not. As such, debilitating depression/anxiety isn't new to me. Simultaneous burnout and mental breakdown on account of blogging was, however.
QAC 65 – 1 Month on Low Dose HRT | Non-Binary | Mental Health || The T Files #005
voice cracking? increased stamina? mood swings?? it’s been one month since i started a relatively low dosage of testosterone and even though in actuality not much has happened yet, i’m still surprised by what has. it’s been an interesting month, but as it turns out starting low-dose T isn’t as simple as simply choosing a random low dosage and going with the recommended injection frequency. or at least, not when you’re trying to manage depression and anxiety on top of it all and you’re not sure fluctuating hormone levels are a risk that you want to take. one month later, while still happy with my decision to start T, it’s time to take a moment to pause. recap. and reevaluate. …my video descriptions sound like the back of a poorly written novel abandoned on the shelf with the tabloids in the checkout aisle because someone decided last minute that it…
anxiety: haha– fuck you.
me: could you maybe NOT make me think about that thing anymore maybe MAYBE? anxiety: did you know that that thing that you THINK you don’t want to think about but are thinking about anyway is a legit thing that you OUGHT to be thinking about– because WHAT IF?? i mean, just think about it! that thing? IT’S A THING. THAT YOU ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT. that thing. fuck.
impostor.
…it’s always disconcerting to be reminded of how people seem to have an impression of me as a person / my personality that doesn’t at all reflect who i am in reality.
one step forward, zero steps back?
so, after going to an appointment with my psychiatrist and blabbering about how much being around my family fucks me up whenever i go “home” for the holidays, which i’d be doing in less than a month’s time, causing him to be like “but what if you relapse??? consider upping your meds before you go???” and me being like “at least i’m on meds at all this time around so lolololol nah”– i felt the need to just…. really DO something yesterday. so i did the something. and the something will happen 4realz for realz tomorrow. so yeah, Anxiety word vomit blogging at 9:35pm at Starbucks. over the past three weeks or so i’ve been emailing a clinic that had been recommended to me by a friend re: starting HRT. after three weeks of no response to said emails, i decided to sneak out of work yesterday (because the clinic is seemingly only…
QAC 59 – Antidepressants 3 Months Later | BetterHelp: Online Therapy| World Mental Health Day
did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day? i’ve recently tried out BetterHelp.com, a great resource for online therapy. if you’re interested in trying online therapy or looking for a new therapist, check it out maybe? it’s been over 3 months since i started antidepressants. i made a video about my [mis]adventures with turning to professional help via medication for the first time back in July. it being World Mental Health Day and all, now’s the perfect time to finally update you all on the continuation of my [mis]adventures in mental health shit– now with an added dab of online therapy on top! in the interest of complete transparency, this video is a sponsored by BetterHelp and the above link is my personal referral link and anything generated from it will come back to me. that said, i would only ever accept sponsorship on a video if…
missiles and tweets.
….it’s 6:44am, i have to get ready for work, no time to recount things for Tumblr so just screencapping, but like. if the news of this ever makes it to the US enough for the US government who is responsible for Japan’s military defense to actually care, just know that i’m okay but just like what the fuck right now and i do not look forward to whatever shit response the Cheeto eventually puts out that just makes things even worse for people on my side of the world.
conversation with Mr. Psychiatrist: その①
me: these meds sure have helped me regain control over my depression and anxiety. finally back to my depressed-anxious-and-angry-but-not-worryingly-so self! psychiatrist: that’s good– but what if– WHAT IF we up the dose a bit. at this rate, there’s a good chance you could go into remission! me: remission lolololol nah, i’m good, i think. pyschiatrist: but– BUT don’t you want to TRY? you could feel even better! me: even better lolololololol no antidepressant is going to make me better cuz no antidepressant is going to make this world less of a shitty place, but thanks anyway lololol
QAC 57 – Depression and Anxiety, meet Antidepressants | Sertraline | Mental Health
for over 15 years i’ve struggled with Depression and Anxiety without therapy or medical intervention for numerous reasons, but having had Depression and Anxiety mop the floor with my ass for the past several months, i’ve finally bitten the bullet and sought out help in the form of antidepressants. in this video, i talk about my recent bout with depression and anxiety, my first psychiatric appointment and my first week on antidepressants. don’t want to watch the whole thing? don’t blame you, i’m longwinded as fuck. here are some jump points: 🕛00:31 – deteriorating mental health 🕕06:16 – first psychiatric appointment 🕚11:03 – antidepressants: the bad 🕔16:42 – antidepressants: the good …so this happened.
botched allyship & language barriers #TRP2017
ie. that time when a women’s sex toy store promoted much needed awareness of diversity at Tokyo Rainbow Pride, but due to incredibly poor research on their part as well as a language barrier that is not their fault, inadvertently ended up spreading damaging misinformation about intersex people, polysexuality and ‘skoliosexuality’, among other things. and of course i kind of went off on Twitter about it because that’s what i do when i’m not going off about something on Tumblr instead. like every year, Love Piece Club, a very well known Tokyo-based shop and website for women, had a booth at Tokyo Rainbow Pride this year. at past Prides that i’ve been to (both in and outside of Tokyo) they have been one of (if not The) Only booth(s) selling miscellaneous small goods (badges, stickers, etc) in more than just rainbow flag colors. because of that, i know that they have…
