one more reason why i went abroad was because it was a trip for myself who thought ‘if i go somewhere there’ll be an easier place [for me] to live.’ while traveling those around me said ‘that seems fun, you must be enjoying yourself,’ but actually i think the time when i was travelling was the hardest.
life abroad, where i thought i’d be able to get away [from it all] ended up being brutal and no matter where in the world i went i kept being asked ‘She? He?’ when i went to the South Pole i got into a dispute over whether to do a room share with males or females. then i realized ‘even if i go to the end of the world, i can’t escape being gendered. no matter where in the world i go, i can’t escape myself.’
even while being moved by the spectacular view of the Egyptian desert, somewhere in my heart i was suffering in my body. i thought, ‘even having come all the way to a place like this i still hate my body’ and found conviction within myself. i decided to get surgery.
i’ve always searched for a place where i could live more easily, but from now on i wont be searching for a place that’s convenient for me. going forward, i’m going to make the place where i am a place where i can live.
Fumino Sugiyama － laph FTM Magazine Vol.10
sitting in Starbucks reading the new volume of laph and omg…. this resonants with me so much. had to put this here.