consent Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Mental [Un]health, Queer[ness]

that time i did nothing: assumed consent & retraction thereof

July 11, 2016 / 1 Comment

content warning: non-graphic description of a questionable consent situation; non-graphic talk of sex, rape & trauma; self-gaslighting. this is the third and final post in a series of posts in which i’m writing about my personal experiences with sexual abuse / violence and consent issues. the first post on sexual abuse / violence can be found here. the second post on consent issues and asexuality can be found here. this post is about something that happened during a past relationship in which consent is / was questionable and the ramifications of it. consent. not a topic that i’m at all well informed about, but about which i’m writing a lot at the moment as i attempt to unpack and navigate things from my past that i have up until this point avoided doing. as i mentioned in my previous post, i’ve been in two long-term relationships spanning 9 years in total, 5…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Mental [Un]health, Queer[ness]

reflecting back on years of consent without information about asexuality

July 11, 2016 / 1 Comment

content warning: mentions of sex and abuse; talk of consent issues. this is the second of what has now become three posts that i’m writing about my personal experiences with sexual abuse / violence and consent issues, the first of which can be found here. this post focuses on how my ability to consent may or may not have been affected by not knowing about the existence of asexuality prior to consenting to sex in past relationships. even though there are those who insist that consent is as simple as “yes” or “no,” that there is no gray area involved– you either consented or you didn’t– for lots of people consent can be more complicated than that. in my time on Tumblr, various posts have come across my dashboard on the topic of consent and/or agency, specifically in the context of being asexual. sometimes when i read one of those posts, some…

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Vesper H.

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comments on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video.
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August 11, 2014
Feedback, Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Feedback: “Thanks for your most recent post re: saying no/transphobia/people’s need to express “no” being prioritized over the well-being of trans people.”

March 14, 2016 /

anonymous said: Thanks for your most recent post re: saying no/transphobia/people’s need to express “no” being prioritized over the well-being of trans people. I think you cut to the heart of it – it’s not reasonable to ask trans ppl (like me) to deprioritize discussing transness and transphobia once sexual consent gets brought up. That also assumes, IMO, that trans people are never in the group of ppl who need to say no and don’t have the tools?? Which, like, trans people (and trans women especially!) are targets for sexual violence and are often *especially* lacking access to “no”. Also I think it ties really grossly into “trans women as rapists” tropes (I’m AFAB so I hope I’m getting it right) – the fact that (presumably cis) people’s consent immediately becomes the ONLY IMPORTANT THING once trans people start talking about desirability and transness speaks to how cis people honestly…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016