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Feedback, Q&A

Q&A not Q&A: “i’m nonbinary and i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of [the LGBT] community…”

September 15, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: okay sorry for dragging this in here, but. i’m nonbinary. and ppl have been saying that nb ppl ARE lgbt+. but here’s the thing: i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of that community, even if i “qualify” bc at the end of the day, they still don’t want me there. they may be accepting of my identity as nb, but that would mean ignoring my identity as aro/ace. if i’m gonna be accepted somewhere, i want to be accepted for all of me, not just part. just my 2 cents. hello anon, i feel you on this. i really do. as a non-binary, bi / pan ace i’ve also been faced with people wanting to selectively choose what part of my “counts” or is “valid reason” for me to be included in something. like you, i am of the stance that acceptance of me is an…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
Q&A

re: Q&A: “Are asexuality and aromanticism not a part of LGBT+?”

September 14, 2016 / No Comments

fortunefordisaster: queerascat: anonymous said: Hi Vesper. I’m still learning about all the different genders and sexualities and spectrums and I was talking to my friend the other day who’s more knowledgable than I am, and she told me that Ace/Aro ppl are not inherently part of the LGBT+ community unless if they identify as LGBT. I’m a little confused by this. Are asexuality and aromanticism not a part of LGBT+? She basically implied that bc Ace/Aro ppl are not part of LGBT+ they do not face oppression. I’m sorry if this is confusing. hello, anon. what your friend told you is nothing but her opinion and it’s an opinion that many, myself included, disagree with. you may feel like your friend is more knowledgeable than you are about gender and sexuality, but she is by no means an expert on the oppression that others do or do not face and…

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
『[4ｺﾏ]☆ＡセクシュアルとAce(エース)☆』

[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Japan[ese], Queer[ness]

『[4ｺﾏ]☆ＡセクシュアルとAce(エース)☆』

July 27, 2016 / 1 Comment

once again i randomly came across another one of Chii’s 4-koma comic strips about asexuality on Twitter and my reaction to seeing it has me feeling guilty and torn. ;( for those who don’t speak Japanese, the comic introduces the term “ace” (slang for “asexual”) to Japanese readers and then explains how it’s connected to aces in playing cards. it also introduces readers to the concept / association that’s been floating around English-speaking ace communities of each suite being associated with specific orientations / identities. in the comic, it’s explained as: ace of hearts: romantic asexuals (known as “nonsexuals” in Japan) ace of spades: aromantic asexuals (known as “asexuals” in Japan) ace of diamonds: demisexuals and demiromantic asexuals ace of clubs: gray asexuals and grayromantic asexuals before i start ranting going on and on about ‘nothing’, i want to point out that i’m happy that “ace” is being introduced here in Japanese. no conflicting feelings there.…

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Vesper H.

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Studio Ghibli’s 『思い出のマーニー』 // “When Marnie Was There”
August 11, 2014

QAC 54 – Confusing Gender Envy & Admiration with Attraction || Non-Binary | Asexual
October 10, 2016

…mmm, so.
March 24, 2017
Q&A

Q&A: “Would you mind explaining how you feel in regards to your bi identity?”

June 28, 2016 / 1 Comment

anonymous said: I have a question. I saw your post about how you find it a but annoying that people either assume you’re bisexual or bi romantic, when you always just say bi. And I’ll admit that since you are also asexual my first reaction was to assume you were biromantic, I’m sorry. But it confuses me a little. Would you mind explaining how you feel in regards to your bi identity? It’s okay if you don’t want to! I’m just trying to understand (in response to this post) first off, even though i felt a need to vent about it because it is annoying, i want to point out that i’m not offended or angry when someone misreads my bi identity, especially if they’re understanding when/if i correct them. there are so many reasons why a person would automatically read “bi” as either bisexual or biromantic that it almost…

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Queer[ness]

that feel when

June 23, 2016 / 1 Comment

everyone outside of the ace community automatically reads your bi identity as ‘bisexual’ and everyone within the ace community automatically reads your bi identity as ‘biromantic’ because everyone assumes forgets that a person can just simply be bi or that there’s more to a person’s sexuality than just -sexual / -romantic.

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Vesper H.

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May 24, 2013

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October 18, 2015

「やがて君になる」/ “Yagate Kimi ni Naru”: an aro/ace coded, sapphic ‘love story’…?
October 8, 2018
Q&A

Q&A: “what’s the deal with the fact that lesbian folks get mad if you headcanon characters as ace?”

May 25, 2016 / No Comments

titanium-star-bisexual said: hey vesper? sorry to bother you with this again, especially when we kinda already spoke on it, but now people have started getting offended and attacking me for my head canons in my inbox. i wanted to ask if you knew what the deal is with the fact that lesbian folks get mad if you headcanon characters as ace? i thought a person could be both at the same time? ? im just not sure what to do because they are really getting angry. any pointers? hi. 🙂 you’re never a bother, so no worries. but aahhh, i feel like i’m the wrong person to be giving any kind of pointers on how to deal with fandom backlash. i do not involve myself in any kind of fandom, largely in part because i do not want to deal with this kinda stuff. as such, i have zero…

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Queer[ness]

#LeaveElsaAlone

May 11, 2016 / 1 Comment

quoted from a Tumblr post: Okay so I’m not against #GiveElsaAGirlfriend or anything, but I identify myself as an asexual person and honestly I would be really happy if there could be a princess who doesn’t need a prince or a princess or anyone. It would be really cool if there can be just one Disney character that does not need that kind of love, because being asexual is not easy to explain and much less to understand for others and yeah I think that #LeaveElsaAlone is much more accurate. please note: the following isn’t directed specifically at the OP so much as it’s directed at anyone & everyone who thinks that #LeaveElsaAlone is a good idea. could aces please, please, please not do that really shitty thing where you piggyback off of another community’s hashtag advocacy?? actually, this isn’t even piggybacking, really. i consider #AllLivesMatters to be piggybacking off…

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Vesper H.

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botched allyship & language barriers #TRP2017
May 11, 2017

AskAPan Week 07 – Family responses to the LGBTQ community
July 5, 2013

QAC 24 – Labels: Why They’re Important + Why I Use Them
March 17, 2014
Q&A

Q&A: “I’ve seen some people claim the ace community is racist, transphobic, and that hetero-romantic and aromantic aces don’t belong in the LGBTQ+ community…”

March 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: So, I’ve seen some people claim the ace community is racist, transphobic, and that hetero-romantic and aromantic aces don’t belong in the LGBTQ+ community. I was wondering, do you think there’s racism in the ace community? I’ve never noticed any, but then I’m white, so that’s not rlly my call. I think maybe it has to do with the use of the term allosexual, which has been said to have racist and transphobic roots. What’s your opinion on “allosexual”, and do you think “het aces” shld be included in the LGBTQ+ community? there are racist (and transphobic) people everywhere and the ace community is no exception to that. however, there being racist (and transphobic) people in the ace community doesn’t make the entire community racist (or transphobic). that would be an overgeneralization. people have made the claim that the term allosexual is racist and/or transphobic, but i…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018
Q&A

Q&A: “You don’t think allosexual privilege exists?”

January 15, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: So from what I gathered in your latest responses. You don’t think allosexual privilege exists, but do you think allosexism exists? A lot of what Amber says about the word allosexual also applies to monosexual like grouping people with their oppressors, some gay people being okay w/ the word but not everyone being fine w/ it, ignoring the fact that a lot of gay people hate the word monosexual, “monosexual privilege.” There r so many posts like the 1 blvkandasexual posted except about monosexuals & bisexuals. Would u consider posts like that homobphobic? Amber’s response seems to argue against the use of the word allosexual on some level, but I thought you were okay with the word? That entire thread and everyone’s responses to it (including yours tbh) makes it seem like the word allosexual is inherently homophobic, biphobic, panphobic, etc. like what??? Can you clarify your stance.…

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
Q&A

Q&A: “can i use asexual as an umbrella term?”

January 4, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: can i use asexual as an umbrella term? i identify with more than one (a)sexualites (cupio/demi/grey) so i think it’s a lot easier to just say im asexual sure, go with whatever feels comfortable and right for you, be it asexual, ace, ace spectrum, etc. some will disagree with me on this, but people use asexual as an umbrella word to mean various things all the time. i’m not an authority on the word asexual and i am not about to police others’ usage of the word.

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Vesper H.

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“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016