I am having trouble with my gender, and am looking for some advice? I was AFAB, but was stuck in a disgustingly misogynistic environment from the time I was 9 (19 now) until just a few months ago. For the past several years, I’ve had a strong aversion to anything stereotypically seen as “female,” and experienced a lot of issues with the way my body is seen. I’ve tried using every other pronoun set and gender I can think of, and none of them make me feel any better. I don’t know what to do.
if you don’t had any animosity or otherwise negative feelings towards your name, you could ask people to always refer to you by your name instead of pronouns. some people prefer to go by their name until they find a pronoun that feels right to them and others go by their name indefinitely, forgoing pronouns all together.
in terms of a gender identity, similarly to the above, you could just forgo identifying as any gender all together if every gender that you’ve come across thus far doesn’t feel right. no one is obligated to identify as anything, yourself included.
just going to throw this out there, but even if you do eventually find pronouns or a gender identity that does feel comfortable, that may or may not be enough to help you feel better. it sounds like you’ve had some very traumatic experiences in your life and it will take a lot of time and self-care, among other things, to recover from that. be patient with yourself and with the process and try not to worry too much about pronouns or gender identity.
wishing you all the best in on your journey, anon.