• Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “I have been wondering if I am trans.”

    anonymous said: Hello Queer as a cat. I have been wondering if I am trans. Since I was younger I prefured guy things and made friends with guys more easily. But ever since ive moved into Highschool. (Im 17) ive got all female friends. I dislike female clothes and will buy from mens section. When I think about being a boy a perfer it but sometimes not as strongly as if “eh im a girl” a part of me feels like I am a boy. I will always say ever since I was a kid”I wish I was a boy” I am very confused. thank you. Same person about questioning gender. I never really thought much about this until learning more about trans and making trans friends hi. 🙂 it’s not uncommon at all for someone to begin actively questioning one’s gender after learning that not everyone identifies as the…

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Art[sy Fartsy]

    scribbles

    2 cups ‘art therapy’ 1 tbsp ‘brainstorming’ 1 tsp ‘food memories’ mix well and serve on the rocks alongside a chai latte instead of the usual matcha frappuccino to aid recovery from inevitable art poisoning. not the kind of productivity i’d hoped for today, but whatever.

  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “Could you help me by defining those types of attraction?”

    anonymous said: I get your point about the types of attraction being connected in a web, not a scalar. Could you help me by defining those types of attraction? For example, I know sexual attraction is a desire to have sexual contact, and aesthetic attraction is about appearance. I’m less clear on the others, which are often defined via tautology. (“Romantic attraction is desire to have a romantic relationship.” Ok, then what’s a romantic relationship?) Can you help clear this up? Thanks! (re: this post, however i’m going to update that post to include definitions) it’s true, definitions can sometimes be circular and thus unhelpful/difficult to understand. often because the thing being defined is difficult to define, obviously. i guess i’ll give writing simplistic definitions a shot… i’ve done it before, but never all laid out at once like this. this is quite the task!

  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts

    sigh.

    …so now i’m being accused of “attacking the [alterous] community as a whole” because i pointed out the overlapping usage of two concepts/terms and expressed concern over how things are being worded/conceived by some people while being “non aro” and “non alterous”. great. i love how the responsibility is being put on me to go to their askboxes and explain my feelings / view and that i’m being faulted for expressing my feelings on my own blog without coming to them personally instead. as if i have the time or responsibility to go to the askboxes of blogs every time i feel some kinda way about something. and then when one of them does reach out to me privately, there’s more ‘you’re not aro so stop talking.’ all of that aside, i do not understand how they are unable to see how off-putting they’re being. if i was at all leaning towards using alterous for…

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Queer[ness]

    on coining words:

    interviewer: gender feels? me: yes. YES. lots of feels. but not male, female, androgyne feels. NOT THAT. it’s something else. hang on, i’ll explain it, just give me a sec. where’s that dictionary? ...this dictionary is shit. i’m gonna google it, just a sec. -- years later -- me: GODDAMNIT, i’ve looked fin everywhere, even tried to settle for something else, but i can’t. can no one talk about gender in a way that doesn’t revolve around masculinity or femininity OR being somewhere in relation to those two things?! for fucks sake, never mind. just call me maverique. i’m maverique. *writes it into the dictionary with a sharpie* *points really, really hard*

  • [A]sexuality,  Black[ness],  Mental [Un]health,  Queer[ness],  YouTube[r]

    comments on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video.

    had ignored this user’s original comment on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video for weeks but couldn’t let it go uncommented on any longer after waking up to their most recent comment. i’m sick with a cold and unable to even think clearly, so it’s likely that i flew off the handle or said something in a way that could have been said better, but i tried. really am too sick and tired and anxious in general to deal with shit like this…. and while i obviously made no effort to hide the names of the users who commented (i mean, the comments are public and easily findable on the video anyway), i’m not posting this here for anyone to attack the commenter. please don’t, although you’re free to join in on the convo if you want. i’m 100% done with it. …now to take…

  • 海外に行ったもうひとつの理由は、「どこかに行けば、もっと住みやすい場所があるのではないか」という自分探しの旅でもあったのです。海外を旅していて周囲からは「いいね、楽しそうだね」と言われたけれど、実は旅をしていた時が一番苦しかったと思います。

    逃げたいと思って行ったはずの海外はもっと残酷で、世界中のどこに行っても「She? He?」と聞かれ続けたのです。南極に行った時、男性とルームシェアをするのか女性とルームシェアをするのかで揉めた時に「世界の果てに行っても、性別からは逃げられないんだ。世界中のどこに行っても、自分からは逃げられない。」と気づきました。

    エジプトの砂漠で絶景を見て感動をしていても、心のどこかで自分の身体に苦しんでいる自分がいて「こんなところに来てまでも僕は自分の身体が嫌なんだ」と確信が生まれ、手術を決意したのです。

    ずっと生きやすい場所はないかと探してきたけれど、これからは自分にとって都合のよい場所を探すのではなく、今いる場所を気持ちよく生きられるようにしていこうと思うようになりました。

    杉山文野 - laph FTM マガジン Vol. 10 
    [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

    this quote though

    one more reason why i went abroad was because it was a trip for myself who thought ‘if i go somewhere there’ll be an easier place [for me] to live.’ while traveling those around me said ‘that seems fun, you must be enjoying yourself,’ but actually i think the time when i was travelling was the hardest. life abroad, where i thought i’d be able to get away [from it all] ended up being brutal and no matter where in the world i went i kept being asked ‘She? He?’ when i went to the South Pole i got into a dispute over whether to do a room share with males or females. then i realized ‘even if i go to the end of the world, i can’t escape being gendered. no matter where in the world i go, i can’t escape myself.’ even while being moved by the spectacular…

  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Queer[ness]

    sex indifference & aversion: not a matter of one or the other but both?

    the following is a random blurb of thoughts after seeing this post. warning: negativity, sex talk || disclaimer: the negativity is aimed only at myself i’ve had issues supporting or even signal boosting anything that talks explicitly about “sex indifference” because of my own personal qualms with the term and how i see people describe what it means to be indifferent to sex. the way it’s described or defined varies greatly from person to person, but almost always there’s some sort of ‘but wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to the idea of having it’ tacked onto the rest and that bothers me. a lot. i used to casually refer to myself as sex indifferent, but now i can’t help but want to distance myself from the term as far as possible. but at the same time, i have no desire to take on the label of “sex averse” either. i think that at least…

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Black[ness]

    #TheBlackout

    although the theme for #TheBlackout this time is “Uprising” inspired by the Haitian Revolution, i decided instead to focus on the fact that this week is Bi Awareness Week and show some (non-binary) biromantic asexual pride. there isn’t enough representation / visibility of bi black people. there isn’t enough representation / visibility of non-binary black people. there isn’t enough representation / visibility of ace black people. so here, have this half-baked photo.

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Queer[ness]

    …in which i stopped talking to my mom

    not sure where to start with this post… i can’t backtrack enough to even possibly cover all the things that lead up to where i’m at now. so i’ve been “out” to my mom as a non-binary, pan/biromantic asexual for a year and a half now. a few weeks ago i made a vlog about it, talking about… well, how mom has made very little-to-no progress in regards to accepting or understanding who i am and how much that hurts. i won’t go into details because the details can be found in the vlog. shortly after making that vlog (as in literally days later) a belated birthday card from mom came in the mail. i made this post about it, which you should read for the sake of context. after receiving that response from mom, i muted notifications from her and haven’t spoken to her since. literally since before this…