types of attraction Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

them diamoric enbian feels.

November 5, 2017 / No Comments

the more i question whether i was ever actually attracted to men at all– and if so, in what way?– the more i realize that knowing the answers to such questions isn’t particularly pertinent seeing as how i can’t see myself ever choosing to be in an intimate relationship with a man again anyway. still identify as bi and pan (more so bi these days than pan for reasons not entirely related), but my personal definitions of and relationship with these identities has changed, continues to change and will continue to change over the years. and yet my relationship with and identity as queer continues to be the truest and dearest to me of all.

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

…so this happened at TRP today.
May 7, 2016

Antiblackness and Binarism: Grindr in Japan
January 6, 2018

QAC 06 – Coming Out as a Panromantic Asexual
June 1, 2013
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “The term platonic attraction confuses me. Is it somehow different from what people usually think of as friendship?”

October 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: The term platonic attraction confuses me. Is it somehow different from what people usually think of as friendship? Does it mean someone you would want to be in a queerplatonic with? you’re far from the only one who’s confused by the term “platonic attraction”, anon. imho, such confusion and misunderstanding is partially to blame for why some people are quick to make light of terms like “panplatonic”, “aplatonic”, etc. such confusion and misunderstanding is also part of the reason why some people prefer to use other terms instead. the word “platonic” is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as referring to “a close relationship in which there is no romance or sex.” that said, historically the word and its usage used to be far more nuanced than it often is in modern society. there are literally an infinite number of ways in which a close relationship without romance (with or without sex) could manifest…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Ie Uru Onna Gyakushuu S2E3: “A home that is accepting of all [kinds of] love?!”
January 24, 2019

QAC 41 – Am I Asexual? | Never Too Young To Know
October 18, 2015

QAC 54 – Confusing Gender Envy & Admiration with Attraction || Non-Binary | Asexual
October 10, 2016
[A]sexuality, Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels!”

June 29, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels! I identify under both the ace and aro umbrellas, but it’s weird and hard to explain and trying to say I’m bi/pan/poly/etc (even without -romantic) carries that weird connotation that doesn’t fit me. I actually think you just managed to put my feelings into words??? I’m having an epiphany and I need to go think about this more. (re: this post) i know right? i’m also very fond of ‘queer’ as a word and identity and identify strongly with it. sometimes i refer to myself as a ‘queer asexual’ rather than as a ‘bi / pan asexual’ for the sake of brevity and/or to avoid assumptions, depending on the situation and who i’m talking to. whenever i do that, ‘queer’ isn’t acting as a replacement for ‘bi’ or ‘pan’, but rather as yet another…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

one of many reasons why “QUEER” means so much to me.
September 23, 2016

sigh.
July 23, 2017
Q&A

Q&A: “Would you mind explaining how you feel in regards to your bi identity?”

June 28, 2016 / 1 Comment

anonymous said: I have a question. I saw your post about how you find it a but annoying that people either assume you’re bisexual or bi romantic, when you always just say bi. And I’ll admit that since you are also asexual my first reaction was to assume you were biromantic, I’m sorry. But it confuses me a little. Would you mind explaining how you feel in regards to your bi identity? It’s okay if you don’t want to! I’m just trying to understand (in response to this post) first off, even though i felt a need to vent about it because it is annoying, i want to point out that i’m not offended or angry when someone misreads my bi identity, especially if they’re understanding when/if i correct them. there are so many reasons why a person would automatically read “bi” as either bisexual or biromantic that it almost…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018
[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Queer[ness]

that feel when

June 23, 2016 / 1 Comment

everyone outside of the ace community automatically reads your bi identity as ‘bisexual’ and everyone within the ace community automatically reads your bi identity as ‘biromantic’ because everyone assumes forgets that a person can just simply be bi or that there’s more to a person’s sexuality than just -sexual / -romantic.

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

one of many reasons why “QUEER” means so much to me.
September 23, 2016

fuck your Oppression Olympics
September 15, 2016

パレードの皆さん、お疲れ
April 26, 2015
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A not Q&A: “I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it.”

April 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know this discourse isn’t front and center rn but I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it. I hate the “more than friends” thing. I hate “just friends.” I have a QPP I feel platonically attracted to, and I have two romantic partners, but I also have a lot of people that I’m just attracted to on a deeply emotional level and it doesn’t make sense for me as a quoi person to try to distinguish whether it’s romantic or platonic, because it just…is. I really couldn’t tell you how I feel. Trying to label it conventionally (or at all, in most cases) just doesn’t work and feels forced. Alterous is the only descriptor I’ve really found for it. I just wish that the person (people?) describing it were….better at…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

“You are freaking perfect how you are.”
June 19, 2018

Antiblackness and Binarism: Grindr in Japan
January 6, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Could you help me by defining those types of attraction?”

February 24, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I get your point about the types of attraction being connected in a web, not a scalar. Could you help me by defining those types of attraction? For example, I know sexual attraction is a desire to have sexual contact, and aesthetic attraction is about appearance. I’m less clear on the others, which are often defined via tautology. (“Romantic attraction is desire to have a romantic relationship.” Ok, then what’s a romantic relationship?) Can you help clear this up? Thanks! (re: this post, however i’m going to update that post to include definitions) it’s true, definitions can sometimes be circular and thus unhelpful/difficult to understand. often because the thing being defined is difficult to define, obviously. i guess i’ll give writing simplistic definitions a shot… i’ve done it before, but never all laid out at once like this. this is quite the task!

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

“love languages”?? communication tool.
May 1, 2019

humbled
July 31, 2018

them gay enbian feels
October 16, 2016
[A]sexuality, Feedback, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

February 23, 2016 /

anonymous said: Hi, I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing–I’m aroflux, have a qpp and’ve been miffed about the same things. Like, it’s great the term exists, but I feel invalidated by many promotions of it. Love’s not a binary. yeah… i wish people would think of attractions more like this: instead of isolating certain types of attraction and positioning them on a linear scale or even spectrum, as people often do. that said, the above is the 15min product of my sleep deprived brain functioning after 3am on 4hrs of sleep. it’s not thought out and thus is full of holes and problems, so please don’t take it too seriously zzz… edit: someone asked me to define these types of attraction, so i gave it a shot. disclaimer: please bear in mind that these are my own personal definitions as of now (2.24.2016).…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

「やがて君になる」/ “Yagate Kimi ni Naru”: an aro/ace coded, sapphic ‘love story’…?
October 8, 2018

botched allyship & language barriers #TRP2017
May 11, 2017

Re: “”Visibility””
September 18, 2017
Q&A

Q&A: “I wonder if we can use ‘pan’ for not only sexual attraction than why not the rest of them…”

October 2, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: You know I wonder if I could identify as bi or pan. Because I am certainly asexual and wtfro/aro but my sensual, aesthetic and platonic orientations are pan I think? And if we can use that for not only sexual attraction than why not the rest of them. there are people who use prefixes like bi-, pan-, homo-, hetero- etc to describe the other types of attraction that you mentioned. for example, pan(-)aesthetic, bi(-)sensual, homo(-)platonic etc. these words aren’t common, but i’ve definitely seen them in use, primarily within the ace and aro communities on AVEN and Tumblr.

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “…do you think there could be other types of attraction?”

July 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know a lot of the time in discussions about asexual identities people break down attraction into 4 different categories: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual (well and sometimes platonic). But do you think there could be other types of attraction? Sometimes I see people and I feel /something/ but I wouldn’t really categorize it as one of those – argh its so confusing! Am I just experiencing one of those types of attraction in a strange way?? without a doubt there could be (read: probably is) more to attraction than the categories that the ace and aro communities tend to refer to. attraction, as with feelings in general, is an insanely complex thing that most certainly cannot be neatly boxed into or described by categories. it doesn’t get said enough that not everyone even finds the existing categories helpful or meaningful in describing their attraction(s). you could be experiencing…

continue reading

Vesper H.

You May Also Like

*scribble scribble*
September 15, 2016

QAC 23 – Being Forced Out of the Closet (Bi/Panromantic Non-binary Asexual)
February 24, 2014

Studio Ghibli’s 『思い出のマーニー』 // “When Marnie Was There”
August 11, 2014