inspired by an old blog post and a New Year's meme, i decided to document the last decade of my journey re: identity as a #Black, #Queer, #Nonbinary & #Asexual person in the form of a video...
i don't remember when i first heard about Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages (5LL) or in what context; my shotty memory can barely even remember what my MBTI type is...
this may be a gross over-generalization on my part, but generally speaking, there is a lot of silence when it comes to talking about questioning one's identity, changing it or anything else that...
anonymous said: Hi Vesper. So Idk how to put it but I identified as a straight girl my whole life until recently. I’ve been getting attracted to women. I think I’m bi? But I’ve never been attracted to women before so why now? Idk how to feel about this bc I know ppl have discourse about whether you’re born LGBT+ or you can change into it and I’m confused. I’ve never thought about being romantic with women before but right now I’d be totally ok. idk Why all of a sudden. I feel fake idk is this a normal feeling? hi, anon. i’m no expert, but i think it’s safe to say that what you’re experiencing is not uncommon at all. like many things in life, sexuality can change. that is to say that who one is attracted to, the ways in which you experience (or even don’t experience) that…
anonymous said: HI! I like your blog. I’m pretty new around here though. Still trying to understand gender stuff. I was wondering when/how did you figure out you weren’t a woman? hi, anon, and thanks. 🙂 i’m not sure that my own personal experience will be of any help to you, but… the short answer: i never felt like i was a girl / woman to begin with, but at the same time i knew that i wasn’t a boy / man. i defaulted to society’s gender assignment because of not knowing that i could do or be anything else. i told myself, “well, i’m not a boy / man, so i guess that makes me the tomboy that people say i am.” however, the second i became aware of the fact that a person could be neither a boy / man nor a girl / woman, that being genderqueer (at the…
anonymous said: If I may ask, considering how you had to continuously rework how to define yourself, was your self-esteem affected in any way? do you find that your social dysphoria has worsen in the last few years, now that you know yourself better? i’ve always had piss-poor self-esteem and that continues to be the case today, so i’m afraid i have no idea whether or not the journey of self-discovery that i’ve been on over the years has affected that at all. i suspect not, though. as for dysphoria, be it social or otherwise, i do experience more dysphoria now than i did in the past and i do feel like for me personally there is some kind of correlation between becoming more comfortable with and confident in who i know myself to be gender wise and experiencing more dysphoria.
Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realise that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely […] the blog post that i wrote for Ditch The Label…
Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realize that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely. […] when @ditchthelabel, an international anti-bullying charity, approached me about writing…
[ CAPTION: a long, white image with “QUEER” faded in rainbow gradient in the background behind text written using various fonts in various sizes, colors and line-weight reading “sometimes identity is a journey. so far mine has gone something like this – queerascat.tumblr.com HOLY SHIT, i’m BISEXU– wait, no, i’m PANSEXUAL! oh, but demisexuality? i’m DEMI-PANSEXUAL! but wait, what if i’m a LESBIAN??? no, WAIT! i’m NOT EVEN FEMALE!!! (no shit sherlock! plus you like who you like of any gender!) oh god, not even demi, TOTALLY ACE after all… shiiiiittt… panromantic ace! biromantic ace? PANro and BIro ACE! lolol wtf was i ever even thinking??? OF COURSE i’m a BI (sans ‘romantic’) & PAN (sans ‘romantic’) ACE. but grayro? quoiro? BI-PAN-GRAY-QUOIRO?? ugh, what the fuck ever. i’ll use whichever word(s) whenever it feels right to do so, but QUEER is the one word that has ALWAYS felt right. – Vesper 09/23/2016…
anonymous said: ive been id-ing as genderqueer for a while now bc i know im not a girl or a boy and i definitely have a gender but i dont know what? and ive been very confused on presentation lately bc i want to be understood with an underlying masculinity but wear feminine stuff and im just kinda??? its just very confusing and im very lost hi, anon. 🙂 i understand that feeling confused and lost sucks, but really it’s okay. it’s okay to be confused. it’s okay to not know what your gender is. it’s okay to not be sure how you want to present yourself. it’s okay to not be sure how to achieve how you want to present yourself. it’s okay to not know how your presentation relates to your gender, if it even does at all. as much as being confused and lost sucks, it is…
