iono Archives | Queer As Cat

When The World Doesn’t Know You Exist: Coming Out As Non-Binary

Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

Huffpost: “When The World Doesn’t Know You Exist: Coming Out As Non-Binary”

October 30, 2016 / No Comments

Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realise that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely […] the blog post that i wrote for Ditch The Label…

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Vesper H.

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…outted again?

August 8, 2016 / No Comments

………that feel when you walk into the staff room in between teaching classes, check your phone and see notifications on Twitter from your dad. your dad, who you’re in no way out to because you barely even talk to him. on Twitter, where one look at your profile totally outs you and links to your extremely personal and queer as all fuck YouTube channel. so not panicking. SO NOT PANICKING. been outted to a parent by social media before. it’s not like i wasn’t prepared for this to happen eventually. it’s not like i haven’t secretly been wanting this to happen because i didn’t feel like actually coming out to him directly. NO PROBLEM. so like…. do i call him now or what because he literally only calls me when there’s been an earthquake or some other disaster (or near disaster) in Japan. that, or it’s my birthday. ……..ugggghh. fucking…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I didn’t hurt her, but I don’t know why she cried either?”

April 19, 2016 / No Comments

cw: sex mention anonymous said: I (female) had sexy-time with my sort-of-girlfriend and as I thought she was about to have an orgasm, she started crying. Of course I stopped and asked what happened after she calmed down. I didn’t hurt her, but I don’t know why she cried either? that’s something that only she can tell you, but chances are that since she didn’t tell you why when you asked at the time, it may be something that is really hard for her to talk about for various reasons. you could try asking her again, but at the same time you must be understanding if she isn’t able to tell you. apologize for hurting her even if there was no physical pain and do your best to be supportive. reassure her that you’re there for her and that you don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t want to…

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Vesper H.

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usage of “alterous” vs “platonic” in aro discourse

February 22, 2016 / 3 Comments

i hesitate to post this at all*, but i’ve been casually mulling it over for a little while now and am getting no where in keeping this to myself, so here goes nothing… there’s a relatively new word going around on Tumblr: alterous.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “do you think there’s something about sex positivity that oppresses aces of color?”

November 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I’m ace, and I’ve started questioning where I stand on the whole “sex positive/negative” thing. I’ve generally been really sex positive because I believe people should do what they want as long as it’s consensual. So I replied to another ace who was telling college freshmen to “chill” about having sex so soon by telling them that it’s not really their business. And eventually it escalated to them calling me a racist for being sex positive and they didn’t really explain why? They said something about me silencing and erasing people and pressing my white views onto others, but they didn’t give any explanation for all that. I want to learn more, but I feel like if I ask them, they won’t explain anything and they’ll just keep insulting me. So, feel free to not to answer this if it seems like I’m barging in here and…

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Vesper H.

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grayro? demiro? whenthestarsalignhyperro?

April 3, 2015 / 2 Comments

i’ve been off-handedly questioning whether i may be somewhere along the aromantic spectrum or not for a while now, but since i felt no rush to tack on yet another identity label onto my already crazy-long list of identity labels, such thoughts have mostly gotten swept under the rug before really getting anywhere. well, since i have a bit of free time on my hands now thanks to spring break, i promised myself that i’d explore this topic more. what follows is just me putting thoughts into words… many, many words… for my own sake. may Cat God be with you if you attempt to get through this.

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Vesper H.

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one of those days.

April 2, 2015 / No Comments

today was another one of those days. after showering i looked in the mirror. why did i do that?? i knew what i’d see and how it’d make me feel. then i spent 2.5 hours doing my hair, only to have to fight the urge to cut it once i was done. again. i love my hair and yet i don’t. no one would dare try to talk me out of cutting it once i told them how it’s so heavy that it gives me headaches when i wear it in a pony tail to keep it out of the way for a prolonged period of time, or how it hurts my neck while washing it because it becomes so heavy with water; how i go through so much product that is expensive to import and how it takes 10hrs to fully dry, which sucks all kinds of hell in…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 07 – Transmasculine & Transfeminine (my opinion)

June 4, 2013 / No Comments

this was a video request by someone requesting the definitions of transmaculine and transfeminine, but i kind of ran with it and included my opinion…. also i used finger quotes too often for some reason…. sorry. please feel free to correct me if i am wrong or to share your opinions/understanding of these words. for reference: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Transmasculine a video made by request. i blurb about my understanding of these identities and my opinion on the words themselves. i’d really like to hear others’ experiences/feelings/etc because i’m well aware of the fact that there is lots that i don’t know or may have misunderstood. care to share your thoughts?

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Vesper H.

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