invalidation Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A not Q&A: “when I go on the aesthetic tumblrs of allo/zedsexual people, I see SO much hatred for ANY terms more complex than “pan” or “gay”…”

December 30, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: when I go on the aesthetic tumblrs of allo/zedsexual people, I see SO much hatred for ANY terms more complex than “pan” or “gay”. these people – who are themselves trans and/or some kind of not straight – claim that ppl who use complex labels are confused and need to just use the simple terms that exist. I know, they’re wrong, but I see it so much from people I admire and it makes me feel alone. There aren’t many aesthetic blogs I can follow that aren’t like this, and I mainly aes blog so it’s something I can’t get away from. mutuals of my mutuals call themselves aphobes in their about pages…I know some ace ppl have done annoying things but I feel so alone. I felt so much joy when I could say I was pansensual but asexual and my life made so much more sense.…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…it makes me feel invalid whenever she does that. if you have any advice, i’d appreciate it.”

October 17, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: my friend’s best friend recently came out as trans and my friend only refers to them as their preferred name. there’s nothing wrong with that, except i told the same friend my preferred name a year ago and she rarely uses it, even when it’s just us. we’ve talked about it, but she still continues to use my birth name around me. i’m not really sure what to do, since we’ve already talked about it, but it makes me feel invalid whenever she does that. if you have any advice, i’d appreciate it wow, what an incredibly shitty thing to do. :/ this isn’t actual advice so much as it just being what i personally might do in such a situation, but…. i imagine that i’d handle this in much the same way i would someone who insists on misgendering me. that is, i’d stop responding to the…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 49 – Singular ‘They’ | Gender Neutral Pronouns | This Has Been A PSA

April 24, 2016 / No Comments

singular ‘they’: voted word of the year in 2015 by the American Dialect Society, used by English speakers everywhere– even by Shakespeare– and yet today some people insist on claiming that using ‘they’ in the singular is “ungrammatical,” “trendy” or “uneducated.” pull up a chair and have a seat, because if you’re one of those people, this video was made for you. but hold up, there’s no way i’d put so much time and effort into a video just for your pathetic ass. more than anything, this video is dedicated to everyone out there fighting to have their pronouns remembered, used and respected. as hard as it is, don’t give up or feel guilty for asking people to use your pronouns. your comfort is important. your identity is valid. your request to be referred to with specific pronouns is 100% justified and worth fighting for. stay strong. next time someone…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once to know that for sure!””

October 30, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once/masturbated once to know that for sure!” but the thing is I really think sex is gross. Like, I can’t even imagine having sex with someone and I already tried masturbating many times, but I never thought about it as something that gives you pleasure since I never had an orgasm or something like that. I just don’t know how to feel about all this or what to think. you do not need to have had sex or masturbated to know who you are. no one does. your friends are wrong. chances are that your friends knew who they were before they ever had sex or masturbated. they just knew. they obviously do not realize it, but they’re being hypocrites by holding you to a standard that they do not…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “[mom’s] been telling me is that if I really am trans, I would’ve known since I was little.”

October 29, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I came out to my mom yesterday as trans, and I kind of regret it. all she’s been telling me is that if I really am trans, I would’ve known since I was little. she’s telling me it’s probably just a phase and that I need to talk to someone. she seems really set on it, as if it’s just a problem to be solved. she told me I’m probably having an identity crisis. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I feel invalid. was I really supposed to know from a young age? it very much sounds like your mom is currently struggling with denial and grief, which is really common when a child comes out to their parent(s). she’s basically projecting her own feelings onto you, desperately hoping that she’s right. she’s telling you the same things she’s telling herself in an attempt to cope…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
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QAC 41 – Am I Asexual? | Never Too Young To Know

October 18, 2015 / No Comments

too often young aces and young people who are questioning whether or not they’re on the ace spectrum get told that they’re “too young to know.” young aces have it hard, constantly having their feelings and identity invalidated not only by society but by their own friends and family members purely on the basis of their age. well, i’m here to tell you that society is wrong. young aces, you can never be too young to know who you are. this video is dedicated to you. it’s already Asexual Awareness Week here in Japan and i’m kicking it off with a video dedicated to young aces and young people who are questioning. i hope that you’ll find this video encouraging. i’ll be adding captions to this video within the next couple of days. edit: les sous-titres sont maintenant disponible en l’anglais et en français ! mille mercis à ZKL pour le…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality?”

July 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality? Like for a year claim im bi, then like turn around and the next year say im a lesbian but then question it again 2 years later?… not everyone is always (or ever) 100% certain of their sexuality. sexuality is very, very complex. hell, for some people it even changes over time. as such, some people question their sexuality for months or years, some people are perpetually in a state of uncertainty and some eventually identify as one thing or another only to question that identity again down the road. and all of this is 100% ok. there is nothing wrong with or strange about questioning one’s sexuality. there is nothing wrong with changing the word(s) you use to describe yourself, no matter how many times you do it. regardless of whether it is just the…

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Vesper H.

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