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Queer As Cat

gender・ sexuality・ race ・intersectionality

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  • Home
  • About
    • About QAC
    • About Vesper
  • Photos
    • Instagram
    • Tokyo Rainbow Pride
      • 2014
      • 2015
      • 2016
      • 2017
      • 2018
  • Resources
    • Asexual POC Resources
    • #LGBTQIA in Japan
  • Contact

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “I really need some advice, i have social anxiety & I recently went out with a friend…”

    November 30, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I really need some advice, i have social anxiety & I recently went out with a friend, she said their would only be a few other people there I didn’t know but when we went out there was a lot of people there I didn’t know on top of my friend ignoring me most of the time, I felt alone & anxious . Afterwards she bugged me until I told her what was wrong & now she’s made at me. I feel like I’m crazy I’ve been having panic attacks ever since. I feel like a horrible person & I don’t know what to do you’re most certainly not a horrible person, anon. you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and how you feel / felt (both now and at the time) is understandable and no fault of your own. as far as i’m concerned, your friend has no reason…

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    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “…it makes me feel invalid whenever she does that. if you have any advice, i’d appreciate it.”

    October 17, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: my friend’s best friend recently came out as trans and my friend only refers to them as their preferred name. there’s nothing wrong with that, except i told the same friend my preferred name a year ago and she rarely uses it, even when it’s just us. we’ve talked about it, but she still continues to use my birth name around me. i’m not really sure what to do, since we’ve already talked about it, but it makes me feel invalid whenever she does that. if you have any advice, i’d appreciate it wow, what an incredibly shitty thing to do. :/ this isn’t actual advice so much as it just being what i personally might do in such a situation, but…. i imagine that i’d handle this in much the same way i would someone who insists on misgendering me. that is, i’d stop responding to the…

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    Vesper H.

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    QAC 35 – Body Image: An Intersection of Black, Non-binary & Asexual Identity

    March 16, 2015

    thank you

    November 28, 2017

    QAC 21 – Gender Identity & Feminism

    January 3, 2014
  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it…”

    October 16, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it. I think she already knows, but I want to confirm it and then talk about it, because I’m tried of being alone. Any advice, vesper? i don’t know if this would work for you, anon, but… since you suspect that your friend may already know, perhaps you could go off of that and just casually slip it into a random conversation instead of making it a serious conversation specifically about you coming out? by that i mean that if an even vaguely related topic just happened to came up, you could say something like “well, being ______ and all, i feel like….” or “you know, i must be ____ as hell because i totally…..” or some other casual way of mentioning your sexuality / gender / etc phrased in a way that implies…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2016: Asexual & Trans / Non-binary Awesomeness!

    May 14, 2016

    🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA

    January 4, 2020

    …annnd that’s a wrap!

    May 7, 2017
  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real…”

    October 12, 2016 / No Comments

    Kat said: Hi Kat again & thank u for responding & may I ask how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real she’s accepting to most things but Idk if I should tell her cuz in a few days she’s taking me on blind date so I can get “laid” there are lots different ways that you can come out to your friend, from sitting her down and having a serious conversation about it with her to waiting for the right opportunity in a conversation to just offhandedly mention it to coming out in an even more creative way. what would work best when coming out to your friend is up to you since you know your relationship with her better than anyone else. as for whether or not to come out to her, if you don’t feel comfortable with coming out to…

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    Vesper H.

    You May Also Like

    QAC 13 – Staying In The Closet

    August 11, 2013

    QAC 03 – Romantic Orientations & Other Types of Attraction

    May 24, 2013

    QAC 11 – Growing Up Ace (Asexual)

    July 21, 2013
  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

    re: WHINGE: navigating セクマイ stuff

    September 2, 2016 / No Comments

    -※ (continued from here) ….ah, M. i don’t know what to do with you anymore. you’re trying, and i really appreciate that, but… sigh.

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    QAC 48 – Non-Binary Gender Norms & (A)sexuality: Yeah, No.

    March 27, 2016

    VICELAND – GAYCATION Episode 1: Japan

    March 3, 2016

    the ‘Sin City’ asexual

    January 10, 2019
  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

    WHINGE: navigating セクマイ stuff

    September 2, 2016 / 2 Comments

    …i’d normally limit this to a few whingey tweets on Twitter, but since dad is currently snooping around my social media accounts… might as well be thoroughly whingey on here.

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2015 (4/26/15)

    May 10, 2015

    Re: Tokyo Ace Meetup

    April 5, 2015

    ?Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2017: Parade & Ace Meetup

    April 29, 2017
  • [Random] Thoughts

    lmfao

    June 2, 2016 / No Comments

    …this is too funny, considering i’ve known this person since 2003 and this is literally the first time we’re having this conversation. D;

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    Re: …i just did something bad.

    September 10, 2017

    literal “social distancing” from the ace community

    April 1, 2020

    QAC 07 – Transmasculine & Transfeminine (my opinion)

    June 4, 2013
  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

    せーの、よっしゃー! real life social networking (その②)

    March 29, 2016 / No Comments

    so a few weeks ago i unloaded my anxiety on here about going to a ジェンダーフリー / “gender free” party in Tokyo. well, it’s been a few days since the party and after a huge rant like that, you all deserve an update. plus i met another ace today and you’ll never guess what happened.

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA

    January 4, 2020

    Black Mirror: “San Junipero”

    July 6, 2017

    identity politics leave little room for agency; a thought.

    July 21, 2017
  • [A]sexuality,  Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A not Q&A: “so i came out as asexual to my friends about half a year ago but…”

    March 27, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: so i came out as asexual to my friends about half a year ago. but in the past few months i’ve been realizing that i may not be asexual. i don’t know what i am and i don’t want to label it just yet. i also want to tell my friends, but i feel like they’re getting tired of me saying different things (i came out as bi, then ace & trans, then this) and that there’s no point in me saying anything if i don’t even know what i am. i want to say something, but i don’t even know if i should. hi, anon. if you want to say something to your friends, then i think you should? there’s absolutely nothing wrong with just flat out saying that you’re not sure how you feel and/or that you’re questioning. that you’re continuously learning and discovering things about…

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    Vesper H.

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    *scribble scribble*

    September 15, 2016

    QAC 41 – Am I Asexual? | Never Too Young To Know

    October 18, 2015

    Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2016 selfies

    May 14, 2016
  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A not Q&A: “I’m 13 and I’m pretty sure I’m ace and I want to come out to someone as ace but…”

    March 27, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I’m 13 and I’m pretty sure I’m ace and I want to come out to someone as ace but she’s ace and in afraid she will think I’m just doing this to “be like” her. I’m really not this is how I feel and this is who I am. hi, anon. 🙂 hopefully your friend will be supportive. i mean, you coming out to her as ace is cause to be happy! happy for you, for having discovered something so awesome about yourself, and happy for her, for having a friend who’s also ace! that said, if your friend does accuse you of wanting to be like her, it may be worth pointing out that being ace isn’t any more of a choice for you than it is her. if by chance her being ace somehow helped you to discover that you’re ace too, you could perhaps mention…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

    You May Also Like

    DIY ace flag, anyone?

    May 6, 2016

    QAC 28 – On “Blackness”, Queer Identity & Intersectionality (a rant)

    July 14, 2014

    fuck your Oppression Olympics

    September 15, 2016
12

VESPER H.

YouTuber & Blogger

Queer As Cat is the blog and YouTube channel of Vesper, an American expat currently living in Japan.
reoccurring topics include: #asexuality, #nonbinary, #queerness #blackness & #mentalhealth

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Recent Posts

  • literal “social distancing” from the ace community April 1, 2020
  • legalized weed in America: one of many chips on my Black shoulder March 7, 2020
  • willpower, sweat, and tears January 30, 2020
  • 🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA January 4, 2020
  • #YouTubeIsOverParty: COPPA & The Hypocrisy of YouTube December 15, 2019

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