coming out as ace Archives | Queer As Cat

Japan[ese], Q&A

Q&A: “I’ve explained to my mom a couple of times what asexuality and aromanticism are and how they differ…”

August 9, 2017 / No Comments

buffintruda said: I’ve explained to my mom a couple of times what asexuality and aromanticism are and how they differ but she can’t remember. She’s very supportive of me being aroace so I don’t think it’s purposeful. Japanese is her first language so it might be better to explain in Japanese, but I can only speak English. I understand if you’re busy, and this isn’t too important, but if you have the time and energy, could you link a website that fully explains it or write your own explanation? Thank you! hi! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. i’ve decided to respond to it publicly because others may find the information in it useful, but i will gladly take the post down if you’d so prefer. just let me know. i don’t know whether your mom will find this easier to understand or not, but this…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “Cuz of Trump pres, I said I’m screwed if he passes any anti LGBT law…”

November 10, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Cuz of Trump pres, I said I’m screwed if he passes any anti LGBT law and I said it out loud and had to explain I’m ace to 2 friends the first I lied to cuz I was scared the 2nd I told them but Idk I’m kinda scared I hope they understand 🙁 i sincerely hope they understand too, anon, and i’m sorry that you’re in the shitty situation that you’re in. :/ having said that, know that regardless of whether they understand or not it’s entirely valid to feel how you feel and what anyone else has to say on the matter is irrelevant. even if they understand what it means to be ace, only you know what it feels to be in your shoes right now or ever. i sincerely hope that your friend(s) respond to what you’ve told them in an appropriate manner, but…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I feel like im going to cry I told my mom im ace…”

October 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I feel like im going to cry I told my mom im ace by saying it casually sorta in a convo, she said no im not and said when I go back to the doc (my anxiety/psychologist doc) she would bring it up and “fix me” im frustrated and Sad sorry for venting? a million and one internet hugs, anon, if that’s something you’re okay with. i’m really sorry your mom responded in such a horrible way. she obviously doesn’t even understand what it is that you told her or how much trust you’d put in her in deciding to even tell her at all… i hope that your doctor is more educated on the subject of (a)sexuality than your mom is and realizes that a person’s sexuality is not something that can be or even need be “fixed.” either way, i sincerely hope that your mom starts putting…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real…”

October 12, 2016 / No Comments

Kat said: Hi Kat again & thank u for responding & may I ask how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real she’s accepting to most things but Idk if I should tell her cuz in a few days she’s taking me on blind date so I can get “laid” there are lots different ways that you can come out to your friend, from sitting her down and having a serious conversation about it with her to waiting for the right opportunity in a conversation to just offhandedly mention it to coming out in an even more creative way. what would work best when coming out to your friend is up to you since you know your relationship with her better than anyone else. as for whether or not to come out to her, if you don’t feel comfortable with coming out to…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual.”

October 12, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey vesper i need some advice, whenever I bring up that I’m ace I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual. They say asexuals are only oppressed bc they can’t have a significant other bc they don’t want sex. I’ve told them I’m insecure in being ace & they tell me I shouldn’t be bc nobody cares about asexuals. I feel like a horrible person & that it was inconsiderate & ignorant to come out as ace idk what to do or even how to feel anymore hi anon, your “friend” is the one who’s ignorant and inconsiderate, anon, not you. it’s ridiculous that they feel justified in casting aside your feelings at all, let alone based on assumptions about your life as if they even know anything about it. not only that, they’re also ignoring the fact…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “I’m 13 and I’m pretty sure I’m ace and I want to come out to someone as ace but…”

March 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m 13 and I’m pretty sure I’m ace and I want to come out to someone as ace but she’s ace and in afraid she will think I’m just doing this to “be like” her. I’m really not this is how I feel and this is who I am. hi, anon. 🙂 hopefully your friend will be supportive. i mean, you coming out to her as ace is cause to be happy! happy for you, for having discovered something so awesome about yourself, and happy for her, for having a friend who’s also ace! that said, if your friend does accuse you of wanting to be like her, it may be worth pointing out that being ace isn’t any more of a choice for you than it is her. if by chance her being ace somehow helped you to discover that you’re ace too, you could perhaps mention…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 45 – Forced Out of the Closet: 2 Years Later | Coming Out Again (Non-Binary Bi / Pan Asexual)

January 26, 2016 / No Comments

it’s been 2 years since i was forced out of the closet by my mom; it’s been 5 months since my last video about how things are going with my family. this video is long, but it’s also long overdue. the past 5 months have been an emotional roller coaster. from breaking off communication with my mom, to coming out to my sister as bi / panromantic, to being met with further attempts at invalidation, to being “home” for the holidays, to coming out as non-binary to my sister, to FINALLY being referred to by my real name…. 2 years later, things are finally looking up. kind of. only time will tell what 2016 will bring. TRIGGER WARNING for sexual abuse & child abuse with a time jump point in the video itself so you can safely watch and skip the trigger. […] long video is long, but that’s what…

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Vesper H.

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on today’s episode of #ConversationsWithMom….!

November 28, 2015 / No Comments

….so i just had another one of those crazy conversations with my mom (and my sister who was eavesdropping and repeatedly butting in) about sexuality that stemmed from her finally watching a documentary that i’d sent her about LGBTQ people in the black church. i mean seriously, it lasted over an hour and was all over damn place, so i’m not going to try to rehash what was actually said, but the highlights were: mom is still of the mindset that sexual orientation is a choice. she refuses to distinguish between sexual attraction (i used the word “chemistry” with her because she seemed to get that) and sexual behavior/actions one decides to take (or not take). ugh. both mom and my sister think that “everyone is bisexual” because everyone could choose to have sex with someone of the same gender if they wanted to. bi erasure runs in my family, apparently. mom…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once to know that for sure!””

October 30, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once/masturbated once to know that for sure!” but the thing is I really think sex is gross. Like, I can’t even imagine having sex with someone and I already tried masturbating many times, but I never thought about it as something that gives you pleasure since I never had an orgasm or something like that. I just don’t know how to feel about all this or what to think. you do not need to have had sex or masturbated to know who you are. no one does. your friends are wrong. chances are that your friends knew who they were before they ever had sex or masturbated. they just knew. they obviously do not realize it, but they’re being hypocrites by holding you to a standard that they do not…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 41 – Am I Asexual? | Never Too Young To Know

October 18, 2015 / No Comments

too often young aces and young people who are questioning whether or not they’re on the ace spectrum get told that they’re “too young to know.” young aces have it hard, constantly having their feelings and identity invalidated not only by society but by their own friends and family members purely on the basis of their age. well, i’m here to tell you that society is wrong. young aces, you can never be too young to know who you are. this video is dedicated to you. it’s already Asexual Awareness Week here in Japan and i’m kicking it off with a video dedicated to young aces and young people who are questioning. i hope that you’ll find this video encouraging. i’ll be adding captions to this video within the next couple of days. edit: les sous-titres sont maintenant disponible en l’anglais et en français ! mille mercis à ZKL pour le…

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Vesper H.

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