Posts related to mental health and illness.
as usual, i find myself turning to YouTube as a resource for information only to be reminded that…. YouTube is So Damn White. most things non-binary and / or trans are So Damn White. a search for “non-binary” and “testosterone” turns up almost nothing but skinny, short haired, white, non-binary people, none of whom i can really see myself in. which is nothing new. that’s part of the reason i’m on YouTube in the first place.
so, after going to an appointment with my psychiatrist and blabbering about how much being around my family fucks me up whenever i go “home” for the holidays, which i’d be doing in less than a month’s time, causing him to be like “but what if you relapse??? consider upping your meds before you go???” and me being like “at least i’m on meds at all this time around so lolololol nah”– i felt the need to just…. really DO something yesterday. so i did the something. and the something will happen 4realz for realz tomorrow. so yeah, Anxiety word vomit blogging at 9:35pm at Starbucks. over the past three weeks or so i’ve been emailing a clinic that had been recommended to me by a friend re: starting HRT. after three weeks of no response to said emails, i decided to sneak out of work yesterday (because the clinic is seemingly only…
did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day? i’ve recently tried out BetterHelp.com, a great resource for online therapy. if you’re interested in trying online therapy or looking for a new therapist, check it out maybe? it’s been over 3 months since i started antidepressants. i made a video about my [mis]adventures with turning to professional help via medication for the first time back in July. it being World Mental Health Day and all, now’s the perfect time to finally update you all on the continuation of my [mis]adventures in mental health shit– now with an added dab of online therapy on top! in the interest of complete transparency, this video is a sponsored by BetterHelp and the above link is my personal referral link and anything generated from it will come back to me. that said, i would only ever accept sponsorship on a video if…
queerascat: anyone have any queer-related (or relevant) podcast recommendations…? bonus points if it’s hosted by QPOC. preferably not iTunes exclusive. looking for something educational / intriguing / interesting to listen to on my weekly 3 hour (1.5 hours each way) commute across the Greater Kanto Area so i can be Quasi-Productive rather than fall asleep and miss my stops zzz… thanks in advance. 🙂 a huge thank you to everyone who suggested podcasts for me to check out! i really appreciate your help. also, i think i very much underestimated how popular podcasts even are since i haven’t actually followed any before and have never even ventured into the realm of fictional podcasts before. thanks to everyone’s help, i’ve amassed a list of 27 podcasts to check out– and counting! i even made a thing so that i actually look into all of them as i’m really bad at starting…
anonymous said: i know yokohama has SHIP, an ngo which mostly does hangout type stuff, but they probably know someone ( re: this post ) !!!!! anon, thank you!! i already know of SHIPにじいろキャビン and have no idea why i didn’t even think of them at the time of answering the other ask… just further proof that i need more sleep, i guess… *sigh* anyway, as you said, SHIP is an NPO that runs the only LGBTQIA community center that i know of in Yokohama and hosts an assortment of monthly LGBTQIA events. i went to one event and checked out their community center once, but then work and finances got hectic and i haven’t been back since, sadly…. they seemed like good people, though. upon getting this ask, i immediately thought about dropping by there after work sometime to ask about counseling services, but then i went to their website…
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
anonymous said: Vesper, do you know of any LGBTQ (or LGBTQ-competent) counseling services in Japan? Specifically in the Yokohama/Tokyo area, but online resources would also be appreciated. anon, you must be psychic, because you have impeccable timing. i just had a discussion with my psychiatrist about this the other day and was going to keep on procrastinating writing about how it went, but your ask was the nudge i needed to get off my ass and write The Thing. you may be interested in reading The Thing, but in the interest of saving you some time, here’s a spoiler alert: my psychiatrist wasn’t all that helpful. if you’re looking for counseling services in English, he seems skeptical about there being anyone in the Yokohama / Tokyo area (in so far as he knows) who offer services specifically dealing with LGBTQIA people or the issues that we face. as for counseling…
as a non-binary person who was deemed to be female at birth, i have struggled all my life with what others consider to be my “womanhood”. when women have fought so hard to progress gender equality to where it is today, asserting that there is no wrong way to be a woman because women can do and be anything– juxtaposed against the continual struggle of trans women and some non-binary people just to have their womanhood recognized and respected– it is incredibly hard not to see my own rejection of womanhood as anything other than internalized misogyny. it certainly doesn’t help that society in general, but women especially, are often more than happy to write off my gender as being nothing more than internalized misogyny. i mean, given how awesome women are but how misogynistic society is, obviously any disconnect i feel with womanhood must be a result of internalized…
me: these meds sure have helped me regain control over my depression and anxiety. finally back to my depressed-anxious-and-angry-but-not-worryingly-so self! psychiatrist: that’s good– but what if– WHAT IF we up the dose a bit. at this rate, there’s a good chance you could go into remission! me: remission lolololol nah, i’m good, i think. pyschiatrist: but– BUT don’t you want to TRY? you could feel even better! me: even better lolololololol no antidepressant is going to make me better cuz no antidepressant is going to make this world less of a shitty place, but thanks anyway lololol
