[A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I thought that my feelings for a certain someone was platonic, but…”

anonymous asked:

May I ask you a question? For a long time, I thought that my feelings for a certain someone was platonic, but after reading up some things you wrote (mainly, “romantic = wanting to be as close as possible physically”), I suddenly feel uncertain. I don’t know if I’m having a crush or a squish. The bottom line is that there is this person I’m fond to be with, and want to help out 24/7. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him but tbh I’ll take anything I can. What do you think?

hi, anon.

sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. you’re more than welcome to ask me a question, although i may not have an answer for you.

before i respond with my thoughts regarding your situation, i feel the need to express confusion at having ever said what you’ve quoted…? that said, regardless of whether i once said that or not, i wouldn’t describe “romantic” in that way now… in fact, i no longer have any desire to try and parse out what’s “romantic” vs what’s not, what’s a “crush” vs what’s a “squish” etc, so i’m afraid that i’ll be of no help to you there.

as you yourself said, however, the bottom line is that you’re fond of helping and being around this person in a capacity that isn’t explicitly being “in a relationship” (whatever that may mean to you personally) with him. the only (admittedly biased) thing that i can think of to say / suggest is that you base the word(s) you use to describe your feelings (be it ‘squish’ or ‘crush’, ‘platonic’ or ‘romantic’) on your own personal interpretation / understanding of those words and what meaning they hold for you rather than seeking out others’ definitions / interpretations of those words….?

i say that because ‘platonic’ and ‘romantic’, ‘squish’ and ‘crush’ mean and involve different things for different people. no matter how many people you ask, how much research you do etc, you’re likely to encounter differences in usage, meaning, experiences because, well…. that’s just the nature of these words and the feelings that they are being used to refer to? your personal experiences may not line up perfectly with others’ usage / understanding / interpretation of certain words– but that’s perfectly okay. no matter what word(s) you ultimately decide to go with, your decision to use that word(s) to describe your own experiences based on your personal interpretation / understanding of what they mean to you is valid regardless of how well it jives with others’….

…i’m not sure that anything i’ve just said will even makes sense to anyone other than me, but i am pretty sure that it’s probably not the answer you were looking for and isn’t even particularly helpful in the end. sorry about that, anon.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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