[A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I think I’m bi? But I’ve never been attracted to women before so why now?”

anonymous said:

Hi Vesper. So Idk how to put it but I identified as a straight girl my whole life until recently. I’ve been getting attracted to women. I think I’m bi? But I’ve never been attracted to women before so why now? Idk how to feel about this bc I know ppl have discourse about whether you’re born LGBT+ or you can change into it and I’m confused. I’ve never thought about being romantic with women before but right now I’d be totally ok. idk Why all of a sudden. I feel fake idk is this a normal feeling?

hi, anon.

i’m no expert, but i think it’s safe to say that what you’re experiencing is not uncommon at all. like many things in life, sexuality can change. that is to say that who one is attracted to, the ways in which you experience (or even don’t experience) that attraction, the amount or the degree to which one experiences said attraction etc etc can and sometimes does change during the course of one’s life. sometimes change may happen as the result of something, but often times it happens without any rhyme or reason. regardless of the “why”s of it (if there even are any at all), having experienced change does not make the new thing that you’re experiencing any less valid or real than had you experienced the same thing all along.

there is an incredible amount of diversity in how people experience sexuality. despite that fact, society insists on portraying human sexuality is inherently one experience or another. for example, it’s often portrayed as being inherently hetero (ie. involving people of different genders), inherently mono (ie. involving only one person or gender at a time), inherently amorous (ie. involving love in some form) and inherently sexual (ie. involving sex related acts in some form), but it’s also portrayed as being inherently unchanging when none of these things are universally true for everyone.

and yes, imho, even the rally cry of “born this way” is an appeal to a non-existent universal truth regarding sexuality. one that posits the validity of someone’s sexuality on it being inherent or innate, thus inadvertently invalidating those for whom that happens to not be true. unfortunately, the LGBTQIA community is subject to the very same pitfalls that exist within society at large.

while some people may have always been X, Y or Z and may never experience any change in regards to their sexuality and / or identity, many people do experience change(s) in their sexuality / identity and there is absolutely no shortage of people who have come to identify as not being straight later in life for a plethora of reasons. these people and their experiences, their sexuality, their identity etc are no less genuine or valid than anyone else’s and that, of course, includes you, anon. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. not even yourself.

all the best.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

Leave a comment?