Q&A: “I really need some advice, i have social anxiety & I recently went out with a friend…”

anonymous said:

I really need some advice, i have social anxiety & I recently went out with a friend, she said their would only be a few other people there I didn’t know but when we went out there was a lot of people there I didn’t know on top of my friend ignoring me most of the time, I felt alone & anxious . Afterwards she bugged me until I told her what was wrong & now she’s made at me. I feel like I’m crazy I’ve been having panic attacks ever since. I feel like a horrible person & I don’t know what to do

you’re most certainly not a horrible person, anon. you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and how you feel / felt (both now and at the time) is understandable and no fault of your own. as far as i’m concerned, your friend has no reason whatsoever to be mad at you. in fact, it’s your friend who is in the wrong here. not only has your friend exacerbated an already bad situation by pressuring you to talk when you weren’t comfortable doing so, but then on top of that responded to it in an entirely inappropriate and inconsiderate way that simply added fuel to the fire.

i’m really sorry that you’ve been put into this situation, anon. please do not feel like you are at all to blame for it, because you’re not. you’ve tried your best to communicate with your friend only to be met with incredibly hurtful results. お疲れさん。your efforts and feelings deserve to recognized (and applauded). after all that, please be sure to take a step back and care for yourself. it definitely sounds like you’re in need of some TLC right now, so please be kind to yourself.

as for advice going forward, i don’t know your friend or the details of your relationship and / or situation with them, but it sounds like attempting to talk directly to that friend again is ill-advisable as it’s likely to worsen your anxiety. if there’s someone who you think may understand or at least be a good listener, who you feel reasonably comfortable talking to about what happened and how you feel, perhaps try talking to them. being able to express your feelings to someone else and have them acknowledged and empathized with can do a lot to help ease anxiety, i think. if you happen to have another friend who is a mutual friend with the friend you went out with, even better. perhaps talk to them and ask them to talk to the friend in question for you. if the friend in question continues to be mad at you for no reason instead of trying to understand how you feel and resolve the situation, at that point i think i’d stop considering that person a friend, personally, but that’s just me.

anyway, let’s take things one step at a time. first, please take care of yourself. distance yourself from the source of your anxiety and take the time you need to do what you need to do to begin recovering from what happened. then, if at all possible, try to find someone to talk to. your friend’s unjustified anger is not more important than your well being and thus can wait until you are well enough to deal with it (if you even choose to deal with it at all). if your friend continues to try and push the issue with you, again distance yourself and be firm about it. no one deserves to be put in the situation you’re in, least of all by someone who considers themself your “friend”.

all the best, anon. <3

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

Leave a comment?