[A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I’ve IDed as aromantic for a while, but I’m very confused.”

anonymous said:

Question!! I’ve IDed as aromantic for a while, but I’m very confused. I think I like quioromantic, but also I feel like idemromantic could apply. Since the two are similar, how would I decide which is more accurate in describing myself? Thanks! -Cio

Oh! And also, does it make sense for me to want/be in a romantic relationship even if I (don’t know if I) feel romantic attraction? If one of my close friends asked me on a date I’d quickly agree, but is that fair to them? -Cio

i often suggest to people to try an identity / label ‘on for size’ to see how it ‘fits’. sometimes it’s hard to know whether something feels ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ to you just from read definitions and researching the experiences of others who identify as the identity / label that you’re interested in. sometimes things become a lot clearer more quickly by making that identity / label your own, immersing yourself in that community / resources /etc of that identity and experiencing how it feels for yourself. it’s been my experience that if you try that and yet the identity / label still feels questionable to you in some way, then perhaps it isn’t the identity / label that you’re looking for.

maybe you could do that with both quoiromantic and idemromantic? it may be harder to do that with idemromantic as i haven’t seen very much in terms of a community or support for idemros, sadly… but there is a larger number of quiros out there (even more so if you include wtfros) with whom you may be able to connect with or find relevant resources for. you could try identifying as both at the same time (much how i identify as both bi and pan) or you could go with whichever you’re more inclined towards at the moment, then try out the other later, if you still desire to do so.

re: your latter questions

a person could be or want to be in a romantic relationship for numerous reasons, regardless of whether that person experiences romantic attraction or not. if you want to be in a romantic relationship, then there’s no reason why you couldn’t be in one. as long as you are honest from the start with whoever else is involved in the relationship and they also want to be in a relationship with you, there’s nothing unfair about it. mutual communication and consent is the foundation of any healthy relationship, regardless of who’s involved.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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