Q&A: “Would you mind explaining how you feel in regards to your bi identity?”

anonymous said:

I have a question. I saw your post about how you find it a but annoying that people either assume you’re bisexual or bi romantic, when you always just say bi. And I’ll admit that since you are also asexual my first reaction was to assume you were biromantic, I’m sorry. But it confuses me a little. Would you mind explaining how you feel in regards to your bi identity? It’s okay if you don’t want to! I’m just trying to understand

(in response to this post)

first off, even though i felt a need to vent about it because it is annoying, i want to point out that i’m not offended or angry when someone misreads my bi identity, especially if they’re understanding when/if i correct them. there are so many reasons why a person would automatically read “bi” as either bisexual or biromantic that it almost feels pointless to hold out hope that anyone would not do that…

i appreciate you wanting to know more, though.

long story short: at the moment, i don’t feel it worthwhile to qualify the types of attraction that i do or don’t experience beyond the fact that i do not experience sexual attraction and thus identify as asexual. bi (and pan) give voice to who i am otherwise attracted to without commenting on the nature of the attraction(s). at the moment, i prefer it that way as my personal experience with romantic attraction is up in the air and i don’t feel a need to do anything about that.

bonus: not only do i not find it worthwhile to qualify my attraction(s) as being romantic, semi-romantic, not romantic, etc in nature, i’m also a bit annoyed that the ace community as a whole seems so invested in romantic attraction and romantic orientations that romantic orientations have now become a default for the asexual community in almost the exact same way that sexual orientations are the default for society at large. to not identify with a sexual orientation is considered unheard of in today’s society and now it almost feels like the same could be said of someone not identifying with a romantic orientation within the ace community. even people outside of the ace community expect you to have a romantic orientation these days.

even though i’m no longer entirely certain of my experience with romantic attraction, i am still certain that i do experience attraction to people of any gender. in fact, now it’s easier for me to acknowledge that the attractions that i do experience are really fucking complicated and trying to parse it all isn’t going to change anything for me anyway. i know that sexual attraction isn’t a part of the equation but people of any gender are in some fashion and that’s enough for me, even if it’s not enough for others.

bonus bonus: now i get to enjoy the Fun Times™ of existing in the nebulous void that is being neither explicitly alloromantic nor aromantic. this makes the

Fun Times™ of having someone tell you that you can’t possibly understand something or use a particular word because you’re not aromantic even funner. :’)) *still bitter months later*

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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