Q&A: ” I’ve always identified sexually as bi, but maybe I’m homo?”

coffeeartheart said:

So I watched your video ‘QAC 03’ and Its a lot to take in. I’m 20 and it just occurred to me that I may be (if I got it right) a Biromantic Homosexual but I was looking for conformation: What if I love ladies sexually in both a visual and physical way and I find guys attractive in a sexual way and want them to hold me, but the moment things get even remotely sexual it’s like I thought of dead puppies. I’ve always identified sexually as bi, but maybe I’m homo? Sorry for my personal inquiries..


hi! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. your ask itself is most certainly not something you need apologize for!

a common misconception that people have is that bisexual are assumed to be equally attracted to all of the genders that they are attracted to. while this may be true for some, it’s definitely not true for all. some bisexual find themself more (or less) attracted to particular gender(s). some may find themself attracted to more than one gender, but they may also be repulsed by or adverse to having sex with a particular gender that they are otherwise attracted to.

none of these things makes a person “less bisexual”.

if you are sexually attracted to men and women, i see no reason why you couldn’t/shouldn’t continue to identify as bi? even if you are repulsed by or adverse to having sex with men. that said, if you feel that the attraction that you experience towards men is actually more sensual in nature and not really sexual at all, then perhaps you aren’t /sexually/ attracted towards men…? this is just me throwing out an idea as only you could possibly know how you feel.

either way, my personal opinion is that you should go with whatever identity feels right to you. when the details become overly confusing, just listen to your heart. wishing you the best!

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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