Q&A: “i’m wondering if i’m agender? but i’m unsure bc i don’t want to just coopt transness.”

anonymous said:

i don’t understand gender. at all. it confuses me and when i see people who feel so strongly about their gender identity i respect it but i don’t get it. (i’m neurodivergent.) i know what clothes i like to wear and what genitals i have, but that’s not gender. so i’ve been calling myself cis because my assigned sex has never caused me discomfort. but the more i think about it the more i start wondering if i’m agender? but i’m unsure bc i don’t want to just coopt transness bc i’m confused…


anon, it’s 110% okay to be confused. you would not be “coopting transness” by identifying as agender, i promise. not everyone is 100% sure of their gender and not everyone can even relate to the concept of gender. this does not disqualify someone from identifying as one gender or another.

hell, there are plenty of cisgender people who do not understand the concept of gender (who often wrongfully equate gender with sex) and yet that lack of understanding of gender has never stopped them from identifying as/being the gender they are. there is no rule that makes trans or non-binary identities an exception to this. there is no such thing as not being “trans enough”. there also isn’t (read: shouldn’t be) any such thing as “cis until proven otherwise”.

if agender feels like it may describe you, then i encourage you to look into the identity/gender more. you may (and probably will) find people within the agender community who also struggle with the concept of gender.

all the best, anon, and sorry for the slow reply.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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