from YouTube: (more than) two months has passed since my last T update and a lot has happened…? increased acne, continued voice dropping; increasing body hair, fat redistribution; adjusting to having a libido, enjoying no longer being anemic; a failed health check, stopping T– wait, what?
content warning: homophobia, suicidal ideation …so, my sister sent me this video out of the blue today. she often sends me links to all kinds of random, obscure videos from the depths of YouTube, to the point that i didn’t bother clicking the link until hours after she’d sent it, thinking it to be another one of those videos. needless to say, i was pleasantly surprised. my appreciation of this video is beyond words. <3
the following post was written for the May 2018 Carnival of Aces on the subject of “Nuance & Complexity“. it may or may not be cleaned up and cross-posted to the YouTube channel Queer As Cat in the future. —— some feel that people in (English-speaking, anglophone) ace communities are “overthinking” things. that the amount of words and identities (also referred to as “microlabels”) which have been coined in such communities is not only “overdoing it,” but even potentially harmful. i’d hope that this would go without saying (but understand that it doesn’t), that i disagree with the former and vehemently reject the latter. regardless of whether i or you or that random person over there petting the stray cat that’s out in the street right now feel such terminology to be useful to us personally, the fact remains that others do and there is immense value in that.
so. self-imposed deadline after self-imposed deadline has passed now and this blog is still under construction, but i figure it’s at least decent enough to be public now. maybe. i will (probably) be deleting this post in the future, but in the meantime, if you happen to notice anything that is broken, off, ought to be tweeked or otherwise have feedback that you’d like to share with me, let me know in the comments maybe…?
it just occurred to me (while porting over more old posts) that Queer As Cat, the YouTube channel, has been a thing for 5 years now as of May 11th. hmm……
so i finally got to see Black Panther again ( #WAKANDAFOREVER AHHHHHH–) and am now at a Starbucks basking in the afterglow of the movie, about to attempt to herd my thoughts into a more coherent cacophony of words than exists in my head at present. wish me luck.
a little over three months later, the changes that i’m experiencing on 100mg / 2 weeks of injectible testosterone are seemingly more subtle than they were starting out… or perhaps that’s just me being less hyperaware of every single little thing now compared to in the beginning when every single little thing was Amaze and OMG. there’s only so long a person can maintain such hyperawareness of their own body before the hyperawareness itself becomes exhausting, you know? either way, noticeable changes are still happening and in this episode of The T Files i talk about weight gain, changing personal hygiene, higher body temperature, changes in libido and related Asexy Feels along with The Much TMI, So WTF topic of genitalia shiz. and now, stay tuned for an advertisement from our sponsors– Starbucks! bringing Quality Video Descriptions born out of sleep deprivation, fueled by the remnants of our grande Caramel…
note: this post has been ported over as-is from Tumblr for my own future reference. anonymous submitted: (i had a long question, so, i hope it’s ok to use submit instead of sending multiple asks.) as a disclaimer, i ask this as an ace person who usually just ids as queer ace or grey ace. i’m not asking to be combative or make anyone feel bad.
looking back over the past month, it feels like quite a bit has happened: minor voice changes, chest “deflation”, libido reincarnation and the beginnings of facial hair growth?! to name just a few. however, none of those things hold a candle to the unexpected health benefits that i’ve experienced since starting T as someone who is anemic. maybe staying on T long-term wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all…..? cue melodramatic music, but not really.
i’ve said this before on Tumblr, but it’s time to make it “official” on YouTube: i don’t identify as biromantic or panromantic anymore. in fact, i don’t identify as “-romantic” anything anymore. after years of quietly questioning my experience of so-called “romantic” attraction, all the while trying to navigate spaces which obviously didn’t have someone like me– someone who neither felt comfortable being assumed “[allo]romantic” nor “aromantic”– in mind, i finally opted to discard romantic orientations (for myself) all together. rather, i identify as a bi ace. as a pan ace. although if i’m being honest, more often than not as a queer ace or more simply as “queer”. but what exactly is the difference between “biromantic ace” and “bi ace”? after over a year of having identified as the latter, it seems to me that thanks to amatonormativity and the general normalization of romantic orientations in ace communities, people don’t see…