Q&A: “[i] need help finding a word for my gender identity, if possible?”

anonymous said:

need help finding a word for my gender identity, if possible? agender was close, but its not that i dont have a gender, its that my gender is neutral. neutrois appears to be the closest thing, from the definitions ive seen. while i do have dysphoria & have thought abt certain aspects of transitioning, and a desire to be neutral in appearance – all aspects of definitions of neutrois ive seen – it appears to /require/ these things. and that heavy medical/clinical emphasis makes me v uncomfortable.

oh, anon… if only you knew how ironic if feels to be on the receiving end of this ask. and in fact, i’ve been on the receiving end of an ask like this before. you aren’t alone in your discomfort.

the irony, though?

that i feel the same way and have felt this way since 2012, back when neutrois was much more commonly used than it seems to be nowadays.

that i have gotten into many a confrontation over the years over the very same thing that you find discomfort with, except that years ago it seemed like i was the only one with this dissenting opinion. now, people with the same or similar opinions, such as yourself, somehow find their way to me.

i love irony.

agender used to be used to mean both / either “gender neutral” and / or “genderless”. around that same time is when “medical transition required” (now commonly referred to as “transmedicalism”) got hammered into the definition of neutrois because, you see, neutrois meant “gender neutral” too and some people had difficulty distinguishing between agender and neutrois (much like bi and pan today). physical dysphoria and a desire to medically transition became The Thing championed as being The Difference between agender vs neutrois people– and, consequentially, “nonbinary transgender people” vs “nonbinary transsexual people” (again, much like “Love Sees No Gender” and “Hearts Not Parts” became for pan).

anyway, back to your actual question.

now that agender has become nearly synonymous with being genderless or “gender? what gender?”, i can see why you wouldn’t feel like agender describes you since you do have a gender, even if it’s a neutral one. the term “gender neutral” itself used to be used as a gender identity to opt out of the whole agender vs neutrois shit that was going on, but it seems like that term has more or less fallen by the wayside these days. in its place (and in place of the whole agender vs neutrois thing entirely, really) there are now many, many more words to self-describe one’s gender than there used to be years ago.

so many that i can’t even keep up with them, to be honest.

which is why i feel like there ought to be a word that’s closer to what you mean, but i’m afraid i’d be lying if i said i know what it is…. can anyone out there reading this offer up some ideas for anon? anon, you may want to keep an eye on the notes of this post in case someone responds. when i was stuck between “not agender, but not neutrois either”, i coined my own word, distinguishing it from both neutrois and agender, but going that route admittedly isn’t for everyone.

all the best finding a word, anon. sorry i wordvomited on you instead of actually helping.