Q&A not Q&A: “when I go on the aesthetic tumblrs of allo/zedsexual people, I see SO much hatred for ANY terms more complex than “pan” or “gay”…”

anonymous said:

when I go on the aesthetic tumblrs of allo/zedsexual people, I see SO much hatred for ANY terms more complex than “pan” or “gay”. these people – who are themselves trans and/or some kind of not straight – claim that ppl who use complex labels are confused and need to just use the simple terms that exist. I know, they’re wrong, but I see it so much from people I admire and it makes me feel alone. There aren’t many aesthetic blogs I can follow that aren’t like this, and I mainly aes blog so it’s something I can’t get away from. mutuals of my mutuals call themselves aphobes in their about pages…I know some ace ppl have done annoying things but I feel so alone. I felt so much joy when I could say I was pansensual but asexual and my life made so much more sense. I used to enjoy reading ace blogs and understanding myself but now even that makes me feel pathetic. It’s like ALL good aes bloggers hate complex genders/orientations and I can’t escape it.

anon, i can very much relate to the experience of someone you admire(d) being dismissive or outright hateful towards people like you and finding yourself surrounded by people who belittle / invalidate who you are while simultaneously having seemingly no where else to turn for whatever it is you need / want.

i don’t know that anything i’m about to say will be of any help to you, but…

there is nothing pathetic about understanding yourself well enough to not only acknowledge the complexity of who you are but also embrace the various facets of it. there is nothing pathetic about finding words / identities helpful when others may not. there is nothing pathetic about existing in part or in whole outside of the few boxes that society attempts to pigeonhole everyone into and there is absolutely nothing pathetic about being proud of that very fact.

people who belittle, dismiss or otherwise speak negatively about words / experiences / identities because they are “complex” or “unnecessary” only do so because they do not find the word / experience / identity in question relatable for themselves personally– that is, if they even understand it at all. such behavior is reflective only of them and their lack of understanding / lack of consideration for people different from themself. it is by no means reflective of you or whoever / whatever they happen to be speaking negatively of.

when you see people speaking negatively about something that does not even concern them or affect them in any way, try your best not to internalize it. rather, see it as them walking round with their pants around their ankles completely unaware of it because they’re focused on talking about how “complex” and “unnecessary” belts are since everyone should just wear suspenders instead. then laugh at the fact that they themselves obviously forgot that suspenders only work for those who have access to them and, you know, someone just happened to have outlawed and confiscated all the suspenders last week, deeming them “complex” and “unnecessary” because you could just wear pants that fit well in the first place. if you even have access to them.

the ace blogs that you enjoy(ed) reading that helped you make sense of your experiences are admirable. those aesthetic blogs and their problematic mutuals are not. perhaps reconsider whether it’s worth it to continue following them given the distress that they are causing you.