Q&A: “I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual.”

anonymous said:

Hey vesper i need some advice, whenever I bring up that I’m ace I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual. They say asexuals are only oppressed bc they can’t have a significant other bc they don’t want sex. I’ve told them I’m insecure in being ace & they tell me I shouldn’t be bc nobody cares about asexuals. I feel like a horrible person & that it was inconsiderate & ignorant to come out as ace idk what to do or even how to feel anymore

hi anon,

your “friend” is the one who’s ignorant and inconsiderate, anon, not you. it’s ridiculous that they feel justified in casting aside your feelings at all, let alone based on assumptions about your life as if they even know anything about it. not only that, they’re also ignoring the fact that you have every right to feel how you feel about your life and to voice that without having your life be compared to someone else’s, regardless of the oppression you do or don’t face. you have every right to feel insecure about being ace and you have every right to expect a friend not to belittle you when you voice that insecurity to them. you opened yourself up to this person, entrusted them with very personal information about yourself and how you feel, and they betrayed that trust to say the least…

so let me say it again. you’re not a horrible person at all, anon, and it wasn’t ignorant of you to come out as ace. you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong talking about who you are and how you feel. how you feel– even down to the smallest insecurity– is 100%valid. being ace can be hard and it can make things scary and uncertain at times; there’s no harm done in talking about that. you’re not even alone in feeling that way.

please take care of yourself, anon, and do whatever you have to do to feel safe. someone who causes you this much distress is not someone you owe anything to, including your friendship.