Q&A

Q&A: “I wanted to ask if there were any gender neutral ways to imply that someone is your child that isn’t the word “child”…”

anonymous said:

Hi Vesper! First off i’d like to say that you’re amazing and very inspirational to me :). I wanted to ask if there were any gender neutral ways to imply that someone is your child that isn’t the word “child”. As an adult that prefers neutral pronouns, I don’t find it fitting for my parents to refer to me as a child. How would you prefer your parents to refer to you in that circumstance?

hello, anon. thank you for the kind words. šŸ™‚

personally, even though iā€™m an adult, i donā€™t particularly mind being referred to asĀ ā€œchildā€ so long as itā€™s within the context of a relationship between a parent and their offspring. unlikeĀ ā€œkidā€ which would really rub me the wrong way regardless of whoā€™s using it in what context,Ā ā€œchildā€ when used by my parents in reference to me feels more about me being their offspring then having to do with my age at all.

having said that, itā€™s possible that the main reason why i feel that way is because iā€™m now 31 and very firmly seen as an ā€œadultā€ by all of society rather than as aĀ ā€œyoung adultā€, so my adulthood is not at all in question anymore. itā€™s very possible that iā€™d feel differently if i were being referred to asĀ ā€œchildā€ while in my 20ā€²s (early 20ā€²s especially). i vaguely remember being much more assertive about my age, autonomy, independence, etc thenā€¦ā€¦. sorry, i ended up thinking aloud. iā€™m not saying this to suggest that this is at all true for you or anyone else. honestly, please feel free to ignore this entire paragraph.

sadly, i canā€™t think of any alternatives toĀ ā€œchildā€ beyond the obviousĀ ā€œoffspringā€, which isā€¦ yeah. i found some alternatives here, but to me it feels like all of them have some connection to age and / or many of them arenā€™t standard / common English usage and thus may present more of a struggle for your parents to adopt. one of the major reasons why iā€™m okay with my parents usingĀ ā€œchildā€ is because using that word is relatively easy for them to do, thus decreasing their chance of slipping up.Ā that said, if you do find a word that feels comfortable for you, definitely go with that word even if it means that your parents will have to learn a new word / learn a new usage for an existing word. your comfort is without question worth whatever effort will be required on their part.

all the best.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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