Feedback: “Thanks for your most recent post re: saying no/transphobia/people’s need to express “no” being prioritized over the well-being of trans people.”

anonymous said:

Thanks for your most recent post re: saying no/transphobia/people’s need to express “no” being prioritized over the well-being of trans people. I think you cut to the heart of it – it’s not reasonable to ask trans ppl (like me) to deprioritize discussing transness and transphobia once sexual consent gets brought up. That also assumes, IMO, that trans people are never in the group of ppl who need to say no and don’t have the tools?? Which, like, trans people (and trans women especially!) are targets for sexual violence and are often *especially* lacking access to “no”. Also I think it ties really grossly into “trans women as rapists” tropes (I’m AFAB so I hope I’m getting it right) – the fact that (presumably cis) people’s consent immediately becomes the ONLY IMPORTANT THING once trans people start talking about desirability and transness speaks to how cis people honestly often think of us as inherently sexual predators. Anyway, you’re great, thanks for your input!

(in reference to this post)

hi anon. 🙂

i want to give the OP of that post the benefit of a doubt when it comes to not excluding trans people among the people who need and deserve to have their ability and right to say “no” uplifted, but… yeah.

as good and important as that post was in terms of sexual agency discourse, it’s incredibly frustrating how utterly and completely it fails trans and non-binary people– especially given the fact that the entire post was written in response to something involving a trans person.

sexual agency discourse needs to be intersectional.
sexual agency discourse must be intersectional.

if you’re going to talk about sexual agency and consent involving a trans person, how can you not also talk about how sexual agency issues often play a huge role in violence against trans and non-binary people? about how trans people (most notably trans women) have been assaulted because a homophobic, transphobic cis person felt their sexual agency threatened just because a trans person so much as smiled at them “the wrong way,” let alone asked them out on a date??

and to not only not mention such intersectionality, but to go so far as to suggest that other people not focus on education and awareness of trans issues in favor of focusing on sexual agency education… as if both aren’t equally important.

honestly, intersectionality regarding trans issues wasn’t even the only thing missing from that post, it’s just what i chose to focus on in my response. don’t even get me started on why someone having been asked out on a date by a trans person got turned into discussion of genitalia and then consent to sex in the first place. ugh.

i’m as frustrated as you, anon. no need to thank me, but thanks for the ask. it’s nice to know that i’m not the only person who has issues with the post in question.