So I know it is possible to choose to be queer and that doesn’t make a person’s queer identity any less legitimate, but can a person also choose to be a gender that doesn’t align with the one they were assigned at birth? I think I might be agender, but this isn’t something that “I’ve always known,” which I feel like is the typical narrative around trans folk.
…well, first off, i should probably say that i do not think that it’s possible to choose to be queer. it’s certainly true that one chooses to identify as queer and that if one comes to identify as queer due to outside factors, that does not make that queer identity any less legitimate, sure. but even then being queer isn’t a choice. one doesn’t wake up one day and choose to be queer.
and i’m pretty sure that’s not what you meant anyway.
either way, it doesn’t sound like what you’re describing regarding your gender identity involves choice at all either. just because you haven’t “always known” or disassociated with the gender you were assigned at birth doesn’t mean that you woke up one day and chose to be agender.
the trans narrative that exists within the media and within society in general is bullshit. not all trans people “always knew” that they’re trans. in fact, i think it’s safe to say that many, many trans people did not. there is no certain age limit, time frame, level of dysphoria or any other requirements to be trans. everyone is different. some people are aware of the incongruity that they feel between their assigned gender at birth and their internal sense of self from a young age. some people come to identify as trans much later in life. it’s never too late just as it is never too early and there doesn’t need to be any stereotypical “telltale signs” of one being trans (ie. playing with toys that were meant for “the other sex” at a young age) or other such bullshit either.
if you feel like agender describes you, then it does. if you choose to identify as agender, then you are agender. no measuring yourself against society’s Bullshit Trans Narrative necessary.