Q&A not Q&A: “I keep following people on Tumblr thinking they’re alright only to find out later that…”

anonymous said:

I need to talk to you again. I keep following people on [Tumblr] thinking they’re alright only to find out later that they think het ace people don’t belong in the community and they think it’s funny when people try to explain to them why they’re wrong and it’s just so upsetting. As someone who once only identified as het ace and found comfort in the community to further understand my sexuality it’s just really sad to think that het ace’s aren’t even valid here to most people.

I get so upset about it and it feels like an attack on all asexuals and even aromantics like AGAIN what theyre saying is we’re not valid members of the community unless we identify as something else as well since the A part isnt that important well we might as well hand it over to the allies since they get better respect in this community than we do. I’m so tired of this I hate how het aces are treated as a stupid joke it’s bullying and i hate it so much. Thank you for listening I’m sorry.

no need to say sorry, i understand needing to vent. i’m sorry you keep running into people who are like that. :/

i wouldn’t go so far as to say that most people are like that, however it certainly is distressing how many people will ignorantly and yet happily try to erase and invalidate the identity of heteroromantic aces. it’s even more distressing how when you compare it, as you have, to how the same people treat allies.

i hope it helps at least a little to keep in mind that these people’s opinions are just that, their opinion. what they say is hurtful– there is no questioning that– but at the end of the day they are wrong and they have no actual power to determine the validity of someone else’s identity or their inclusion in the community. even if someone like this happens to be the president of your local GSA / LGBTQ center / etc so that they do have some form of actual power over your membership in that group, they still have no actual power over your identity and they most certainly have no power within the LGBTQIA community at large.

neither you nor anyone else needs their acceptance, approval or understanding. you know who you are even if they don’t get it. and as much as you may want them to understand, the sad truth is that no matter how much someone tries to help them understand, if they don’t want to understand then they won’t.

my advice is to do what you can do to protect yourself from such negativity. rather than dwelling on their ignorant and hurtful opinions, unfollow and/or block the person as soon as you encounter their hurtful opinion. go to your favorite blog, site, youtube channel, etc for a dose of positivity and/or distraction. don’t give that person a second more of your time because they’re not worth it. if no matter what you do you just can’t shake the negativity that you were exposed to, feel free to message me or anyone else if you want to talk about it. if you message me off anon i’d be happy to chat with you privately. 🙂

that said, i feel like i’m not the best person to give advice on dealing with negativity because i’m at a point in my life where i have built a very high mental wall of apathy between me and people’s bullshit. i am adept at rolling my eyes and dismissing such things before i have a chance to think about them…