Q&A: “How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction?”

anonymous said:

So, I have identified as a panromantic asexual for a while now, but I just entered my first romantic relationship and am beginning to question this. We make out sometimes, and I get aroused. How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction? He’s the only one I would want to have sex with, but is this sexual attraction or just loyalty to my partner?

hello, anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask!

i can’t tell you whether what you’re experiencing is one thing or another. ultimately, only you can decide that.

i can say, however, that becoming aroused can and does happen to anyone, regardless of what their sexual orientation is. it’s simply a physiological reaction to stimuli which has no bearing on one’s sexual orientation. also, i personally do not consider arousal to be the same thing as libido/sex drive.

re: the difference between libido and sexual attraction, you might find these posts helpful:

• an extremely oversimplified explanation of libido vs sexual attraction
• queenie’s post on what is asexuality exactly?
• me on arousal vs libido vs sexual attraction

hope this helps you, anon. being willing to or wanting to have sex with your partner does not automatically mean that you are sexually attracted to him. whether you are or not is for you to decide.